Love at first sight?
by KaylaMiller
Summary: AU JATE-new town, new wife, new house,new baby.How hard could it be right?Do you believe in love at first sight?
1. Prologue

**Present Day**

Is love at first sight really possible?

Sitting in his living room, he went over that question in his mind time and time again. Outside it was dark, and fog was clearly visible, and other than the tapping every now and then from a branch hitting the window gently, it was quiet. He raised himself from the chair he'd been sitting on and walked down the hall, arriving at her room to peek in on her, he thought about lying down there beside her, wanting to be close to her and needing to close his eyes for a while, but he feared falling asleep just yet, so instead he just stood at the doorway watching her sleep, she shifted slightly as she did so his mind drifted to the past.

He thought about that a lot, the past. What had brought them together? Who was he then? Or a better question who was he now? To other's he was sure those questions were easy. His name was Jack Sheppard, He was 42 years old, He followed in the family business you could say, and became a doctor, spinal surgeon to be exact, and those were the answers he'd give when asked those questions. He knew those things were all true, he wondered if he should add other things, like the fact that he travelled to a little town after his divorce? And he fell in love there, not once but twice? Or that the memories of those times were beautiful but intertwined with sadness? Though he didn't like to dwell on those times long ago, he didn't avoid them either, and sure he couldn't help but wish he could turn back the clock, and erase all the sadness, but deep inside he knew that doing that might erase all the happiness too, and he wouldn't risk that.

It was in the darkest hours that he thought about Kate, and the night they spent at the cemetery, the night she showed him the light she'd seen every year at the same time since she was a child. It was that night that he realized just how much Kate meant to him, sitting there with her in that cemetery she'd opened up to him, she'd told him about herself, her story. She'd told him that her parents had died in a car crash when she was young, and that she'd had nightmares for long after that, and she'd come out here to the cemetery to see this light every year believing as a young child that it was her parents letting her know that she wasn't alone, and believing that her nightmares stopped. Her story touched him but being a doctor, he was a man of science so even though he was moved by Kate's story he didn't believe it was really her parents. Later that night, Jack had seen this light she'd told him about, looking over at her he asked "So what do you think the light really is?"

She smiled and leaning into him she whispered "It's my parents, I'd like to think they wanted to meet you"

With that Jack took her in his arms, he knew at that moment that he fell completely in love with her

He knew he'd never stop loving Kate.

**Tell me what you think?**


	2. Why?

**5 years ago…..**

Jack was standing in his L.A. apartment with his best friend Mark surrounded by boxes.

"Buddy it's simple, I don't know why you can't get it right" Mark said

"First you meet a nice girl, then you get to know each other, see if your compatible, talk about which family you'll visit on holidays, if you'll get a dog or a cat, who gets to do the dishes and use the shower first in the morning. After all that if you two still can't get enough of each other than you get married" He slapped Jack on the shoulder

"Are you following me man?" He asked getting a chuckle out of Jack, nodding his head "I'm following you"

Mark had never been good at letting go of a subject, so he'd been going on about this for hours while he helped Jack pack. Jack looking around couldn't believe all the stuff he had in this little apartment, it was a fact that he's fiancée Kate Austen had been telling him all morning. After throwing her hands up in the air giving up on these two guys he went out to lunch with Margo, Margo was Jack's mom, this was the first time they'd meet.

"So what on earth are you thinking man?" Mark asked, not getting an answer he continued "You're just jumping into the whole I Do thing before you figured out if you two are going to work together, you barely even know this girl Jack" He prodded

Jack came around some boxes and shoved another drawers worth of clothing into a box, wanting nothing more than to change the subject "I know her" he simply replied

Mark had been going through papers on Jack's desk, shorting them he shot a handful of them in the same box Jack was stocking.

"Look man I'm just trying to be honest here, the point is you don't know her well enough to move down there, let alone marry her, you've spent like what man, a week maybe, two with this girl" He said trying to get to his friend "This isn't like you and Sarah Jack" He stated

Referring to Jack's ex wife he continued "Remember man I knew Sarah too, better than you even know Kate, and still I didn't know her nearly enough to marry her"

Jack stopped packing things into boxes and stood looking at his friend "So?" He shrugged

"So if I came to you, and said Jack I'm going to move out of town, give up my career, leave my friends and my family, and marry I girl I barely know, what would you do? What would you say?" He asked

Jack stood with his hands on his hips, looking at Mark, he was quiet for a while and then he spoke "I'd say I was happy for you"

Mark let out a laugh "Come on man. Even Sarah thinks this is crazy"

Jack turned around quickly "You told her?" he asked angry

"Of course I told her, we talk about everything" He said Jack let out a breath he knew Mark and Sarah were still friends after the divorce, he didn't know they talked about him

Jack let out a chuckle at this "Well I'm glad you and my ex are so close, but it's none of her business and it's none of yours either" He shot back

Mark shook his head "I'm just trying to talk some sense into you man, this is happening to fast, you two are almost strangers"

Jack really wanted to be done with this conversation "She's not a stranger" He told his friend sternly

Rolling his eyes "No? What's her middle name?"

Jack blinked "What does that have to do with anything?"

Shaking his head "Nothing man. But if you'll going to marry her, I think knowing her middle name is a must."

Jack thought about it, he knew Kate, opening his mouth to answer the question he realized that he didn't know, Kate never told him, sensing this Mark pressed on

"How about the basics? Like what's her favorite color? What's her favorite movie or TV show? Do you even know how old she is?"

"She's in her thirties" Jack stated

"In her thirties? Come on man I could have told you that" Mark shot back at him

"Okay I'm pretty sure she's thirty-one" He confirmed

"Pretty sure? You're going to marry someone you don't even know her age?" He shot his hands up in frustration

Jack drew in a long breath "I thought you were happy that I finally found someone?"

"I am happy for you. But I didn't think you were going to move down there and marry her right away. Look Jack you know I like her, I think she's a great girl, and if you are still serious about marrying her in a year or two from now, I promise you, I'll drag you down the aisle myself. But you are rushing all this and there's no need to"

Jack walked over to the window looking outside at the buildings outside "She's pregnant"

For a minute Mark thought he'd heard wrong, until Jack turned around and he saw the expression on his friends face, he realized that Jack wasn't kidding "She's pregnant?" he asked just to make sure

Jack nodded "It's a girl" he told him running a hand over his hair

Mark plopped down on the bed like his legs suddenly gave out from underneath him "Why didn't you tell me?"

Jack shrugged "She asked me not to tell anyone yet, so keep it a secret please"

Nodding "Yeah, Sure" Mark said sounding dazed

"One more thing man" Jack said reaching for his shoulder "I'd like you to be my best man"

**Let me know?**


	3. Don't forget to remember me?

After Jack and Mark finished packing most of his stuff, Jack got a call from Kate, a little while later they were standing in the middle of a toy store

"What does he like Jack?" Kate asked referring to Aaron, Jack's nephew, Kate was meeting his family tonight

"Kate you don't have to do this" he replied shaking his head

Kate rolled her eyes, eyeing every toy on the shelf trying to pick a good one "It's just I know he's important to you and I want him to like me"

Jack chuckled walking up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head on her shoulder looking at the toys with her "I know, I'm sorry I do appreciate this Kate, but he's a four year old little boy, you just give him attention and he'll love you" He said jokingly

"But just in case he loves baseball and trains" He said lightly, his breath tickling her skin, she let out a little laugh

"Baseball huh?" She smiled looking over at a little red mitt with a ball, turning around in Jack's arms, she saw him nod, grabbing it in one hand and pulling Jack's with the other to the check out

* * *

Driving to his parent's house, Kate kept her mind off the fear by reading one those _What to Expect when you're expecting._

Letting out a loud sigh making Jack look over at her "What's wrong?"

"I'm bored" She wined causing Jack to laugh

Jack looked back at the road ahead than back at her, his mind drifted back to this morning in his apartment, all that stuff that Mark had said about him not really knowing anything about her, lost in thought, he didn't hear her call his name the first time

"Jack?" She called a second time looking over at him concerned

He turned to her once again "Sorry what?"

She laughed a little "What's with you? You got this funny look on your face"

Jack laughed "What's your middle name?" He randomly asked

Kate gave him a weird look but decided to answer the question anyways, it would pass the time "Ann, my middle name is Ann" She smiled

Seeing her smile Jack continued to ask more questions "What about your favorite color?"

Touching his shoulder gently she replied "My favorite color is Green" She grinned

The rest of the ride Jack learned all the basic's about Kate, He learned that she loves to watch Crime shows on television, and she used to go hunting every season with her dad, he also learned that she would turn 34 on July 17th. Leaning his head back on the seat listening to her tell him about how she broke her knee climbing a tree when she was five years old, his mind drifted to Mark suddenly feeling content that he knew the answers to these simple questions now. Mark was right there were a lot of things that he didn't know about her before tonight but there was also a lot of stuff he did know, like she was an only child growing up, and that after her parents had died she lived with her aunt Rose, now Rose wasn't really her aunt but Kate would never admit that. She'd fell in love with her childhood friend Tom until the day he moved away, and then she had a relationship with someone Kate really didn't like to talk about, he knew that she thought that their baby would be a girl.

Thinking about all that he knew about her and all that he didn't know, he wondered about the little things, how many people knew that she tucks her hair behind her ear when she feels shy? Or that she bites her lip when she got nervous? Or that when she needed a break from everything she'd go down to the beach, and sink like she used to with her mom? Or that aside from being kind and beautiful she was also independent and strong, and didn't let Jack get away with anything, she called him on his crap? He wondered how many people knew that, those little things that attracted him to her.

He wondered what she knew about him, he wasn't sure but he knew it had to be something because she had fallen for him too, looking over at her seeing her beautiful skin and those sea green eyes he wondered why? Not that he considered himself ugly or anything, but what made her fall for him? Turning her head seeing him staring at her "What? Is there something on my face?"

Jack laughed shaking his head "I just, I love you Kate"

She grinned back at him "I love you too Jack"

Smiling he added "We're here"

* * *

They had dinner with his family, and sat talking for hours. Kate loved seeing Jack with Aaron, she'd always thought he'd make a fantastic father but seeing him interact with his nephew she was sure he would be. Walking to the door getting ready to leave, Jack looked down at Aaron who had a sad look on his tired face

"What's wrong buddy?" He asked squatting down to his level

"I don't want you to leave Uncle Jack?" He said with a pouting lip

Looking up at everybody than back at Aaron, he placed his hands gently on the little guys shoulder, Aaron looked up at his uncle "Buddy you can come and see me anytime you want?" Jack responded trying to comfort him

"Promise?" He asked and Jack nodded. The boy walked into Jack's arms wrapping his own around his uncle's frame "I love you Uncle Jack"

Jack could feel his heart break at the little boys affection towards him "I love you too Aaron so, so much" Placing a kiss on his forehead, lifting him up to his mothers arm's

Jack said goodbye to his parent's than turned to his sister Claire, giving each other a little smile before wrapping their arms around each other tightly, as if holding on for their life. Jack felt her breath on his neck "Just don't forget about me okay?" She whispered before pulling away and wiping the tears off her cheek, kissing her gently on the cheek before leaving the house.

On the road back home, Jack thought about how know with the goodbyes done, it was just him and Kate, and of course their baby, they were a family now.

Looking over at her he smiled and reached for her hand.

Did it matter after all? That he was leaving his job, his friends and family? That he was about to begin a year that he planned to move to a new town, plan a wedding and have a baby?

How hard could it be right?

**Hit the little button? Next Chapter:They get to thier new town & Jack meet's Kate's ex.**


	4. The New Town

The next night, Kate and Jack made their way down to the new town that they'd call home. When they pulled up closer to town the first thing Jack noticed was that nothing had changed, then again he didn't expect them too, and little towns like this stay the same for years. The second thing he noticed while glancing over to Kate was that when they hit the town sign she straightened in her seat, he knew she had fun in New York but she couldn't wait to get back.

Looking around Jack could remember the first time he'd been here, he'd just been driving trying to clear his head when he turned into this little town which isn't an easy thing to do considering there's just one turn off and if you blink you miss it. He remembered liking the way the buildings looked like they'd been placed there long before he was born, everything was warm and welcoming. Or maybe it was just Kate that made him like it, he wasn't sure but it was special either way. Kate swore that it was the people, in this town like most little towns everyone was like family, unfortunately in Jack's case that meant all the crazy aunts and uncles were now he's family too. He could say one thing thought, the people here gave the world character a whole new meaning.

Driving by the town hall that Kate's aunt Rose ran, Jack could see that the lights were still on, and even though it was pretty late at night there were cars parked all along the road

Jack stiffened "What are they waiting for us?"

Kate gently hit his shoulder and laughed "No, believe it or not the town doesn't revolve around us"

Jack let out a chuckle and looked back at the hall waiting for an answer "It's the first Tuesday of the month Jack" She answered

Jack raised his eyebrows "So that means?" He questioned

"Town council meeting, and then of course there's bingo afterwards" She let him in on the secret

Jack chuckled sarcastically "Of course what's a meeting without bingo?"

Kate laughed along knowing that it was in fact strange, nodding she told him "It the only way people come to meetings, they offer pizza and everything"

Jack started laughing making Kate laugh along with him "That's kind of sad Kate" He got out in between the giggles

As the pulled into the hall parking lot, they made their way into the hall. Walking in the first thing Jack heard was "Is that wedding bells I hear?" Bernard had shouted, Bernard was married to Aunt Rose making him Kate's, _wait_, both their uncles.

Kate laughed walking over and giving him a hug, "Where's the wedding going to be?" He asked Jack shaking his hand, Jack smiled but felt very awkward, he thought about how Johnny Cash must have felt walking out in all black when everyone else was in jumpsuits, coming back to reality he replied with a weak smile "We haven't talked about it yet"

Jack was saved by another voice coming from the crowd "Out of my way, coming through" the voice screeched, a voice you couldn't mistake for anyone but ….

"Hey Aunt Rose" Kate smiled wrapping her arms around her aunt, pulling back her aunt went over to Jack wrapping her arms around him also, Jack was shocked at first but quickly recovered and wrapped his own arms around her too.

"I wasn't expecting you two cuties here until early tomorrow morning" She told the pair

Kate smiled and nodded towards Jack "Yeah well speed racer here thinks the speed limit is not so much a rule as it is a guideline"

Jack smiled as Rose looked over at him, giving him a pat on the shoulder "Good for you Jack" She winked

Grabbing Kate's hand "Come on we have to talk about your week in New York sweetie" Rose said dragging her over to a quieter room, Jack quickly followed them into the room

Kate told her about meeting Jack family and how great he was with Aaron, she told him about Mark and how messy Jack's apartment was to which she replied _"Men"._

"Sounds like you had fun Katie" Rose said "Now let me have a look at that ring"

Kate held out her hand, grinning like a schoolgirl

"Katie, it's gorgeous"

At that moment Juliet decided to pop in, Juliet and Kate had been great friends in high school and after that, then Juliet started dating Sawyer, Now Sawyer is Kate's ex. Jack really didn't like him too much; it was more than obvious that he still had feelings for Kate, something Kate told him time and time again was nothing.

"Hey Kate, Hey Jack" She said smiling at the two "I just wanted to tell you the pizza is getting low, should we make more?" She asked Rose

Rose nodded "But before you go, come see this ring on Kate's finger" She smiled pulling her over

"It's beautiful" She said "Congratulations Kate, and you too Jack" She said giving him a smile

"Thanks" They said together "How are things going?" Kate asked

Looking away from Jack and back too Kate she smiled "They're going" She replied

Rose got up announcing "Well I better get back out there, these folks are serious about their bingo"

Kate laughed and taking in everything that happen since they got here all Jack could do was simply shake his head.

Playing a few rounds of bingo themselves they spend more of the night getting to know these people that were going to be their _family. _Then Jack heard the southern accent.

"Oh howdy day, if it isn't " Sawyer said

"What do you want Sawyer" Kate said turning to look back at him

"Just wondering how Jack-O over here is doing this far away from the city?" He said winking over at Jack

"I'm good Sawyer, how about you?" He said politely trying his best not to punch the guy

"Sawyer walked up behind Kate, and leaned against her chair "I'm doing a whole lot better now that Freckles is back"

Jack shook his head and biting his tongue to not say anything back to him, knowing this night was important to Kate.

Kate saw the tension in Jack and grabbed his hand under the table, placing it on his knee, and giving it a little squeeze. Looking over at her Jack gave her a smile letting her know that he was fine. They were fine.

**Next Chapter: More & Kate talk about what they want their baby to get from each of them, & buying a house and car? Think they have the same taste?**


	5. Ears Kate?

Jack and Kate were sitting on the bed of Kate's old room at Rose's house. That's where they had to stay until they found a house.

"Are you alright?" Kate asked "You've been quiet since we left the hall"

It was getting pretty late now, and they were just sitting there watching some television silently.

"I'm okay" He smiled "I was just thinking about the baby" He told her

"Really?" She said cocking her head to the side

"Yeah I was thinking how lucky the baby is to have you as a mom" He reached for her hand, grasping it in his own

She smiled "I want her to have your eyes"

"You like my eyes?" He chuckled

"I love your eyes, But I hope she has my smile" She said

He raised his eyebrows "What's wrong with my smile?"

Rubbing his hand slowly "Nothing, on you its seductive" She winked at him "But I don't want our daughter to have seductive eyes, she's a baby Jack"

Jack laughed at how serious she was about this "What else?" He wondered how much she'd really thought about this

She was staring at him, as if inspecting him "I want her to have my nose and chin"

Jack opened his mouth, pretending to be insulted "So you're saying all I get is eyes?"

She laughed "How about if she gets your ears?" She said

"Ears? No one cares about ears Kate" He complained

Kate giggled, reaching out to touch one of his ears, rubbing it gently "Awe but your ears are so perfect, the worlds sexiest ears" She joked

He laughed along with her "Okay so my eyes and ears, your nose and chin, oh and I think she should have your freckles too" He said making her smile "Anything else?"

"How about we stop, I'd hate to see you if I told I want her to have my legs too, your too sensitive" She told him trying not to burst with laughter

"I am not sensitive, I just happen to think I have more to offer than eyes and ears" He said pausing before continuing "and I'll have you know my legs have turned some heads you know" He finished hearing Kate's laughter fill the room, as if she'd been holding it in so long it just had to come out all at once.

Raising her hands in defeat "Okay, okay you've made your point" She said "What are your thoughts about the wedding?"

Jack laughed "Changing the subject are we?"

"We have to talk about, I was thinking that little cottage out by the water" She told him hoping he remembered

"I remember" He stated, he remembered that was the place her parents were married and it was also where they had their first kiss

"I'm thinking late spring, early summer, I don't want my tummy to be showing" She told him seriously

"That makes sense, you wouldn't want people knowing you're pregnant, what would they say?" He joked covering his open mouth with his hand

She laughed moving closer to him "I'm so glad you're here"

He reached out for her "Me too" He replied before gently taking her face in his hands and bringing her lips to his, it was a soft kiss, so gentle and natural like they'd been doing it their whole lives.

The kiss got heavier as Jack's tongue roamed along her bottom lip, allowing it in she opened her mouth for him, letting out a groan as she felt it enter her mouth, Jack gently pushed himself into her making her lay down flat on the bed , never breaking the kiss.

"When do you want to go look at houses?" She asked when they broke apart for air

Jack was enjoying the kissing without the talking "Excuse me?" he muffled out

"We're going to have to buy a house Jack" She said getting up to sit back on the bed

"Do you have anything in mind?" He asked her

"I'd like something by the water, if that's alright with you"

He smiled "Water sounds nice"

"Well this week is going to be pretty crazy, and you have to figure out what you're going to do about work, so we can go next week"

"Sounds good" He said kissing her

"I booked your room at the town hotel" She told him

"What? Why would you do that?" He asked feeling very confused and out of the loop

"Where else you going to stay?"

Jack shook his head "Here, with you" He replied as if it were obvious

"We're not married yet, and I know that may sound stupid and old fashioned but that's how it is down here, people would frown on that, they'd start thinking we're sleeping together" She went on

He just stared at her, not bothering to hide the confusing he was feeling "Kate we are sleeping together, you're pregnant" he said using every bit of sense that he had to tell her

Kate laughed at his bluntly way of putting it "I know it doesn't really make any sense, but can you just do this, please for me?"

She reached for his hand, he looked up at her "Yeah, okay" he said

She traced the tattoos on his inner arm with her finger tip "Thank you, and if you're discreet, you can come visit me anytime" she whispered in his ear

"Discreet?"

She nodded "Yeah you know, don't leave your car parked in the driveway and if you do you should leave before morning"

Jack chuckled "Why do I suddenly feel like I'm back in high school, sneaking behind my parent's?"

"Because that's kind of what we have to do except these people are much meaner than your parents" She told him

"Then why in the world are we living here?" He asked, as if it were a reasonable question

Kate smiled kissing him quickly "Because you love me"

* * *

Over the period of the next month, Jack was adjusting pretty well to his new life, and this town. He had gotten into a routine with Kate, He'd go over to her house, and spend as much time as he could with her, than she would make up some excuse like she had work to do, giving him the hint and he left knowing it was most likely because somebody was coming over. He hadn't thought about what he was going to do for work yet, mostly because he had other more important things on his mind, like Kate and the baby, the wedding and finding a house. There were times he thought his head was going to pop off, but Kate always made that better. They mostly just stayed in and talked, cuddled because this town had absolutely nothing to do as a couple.

Jack and Kate also had to go get a new car, which was proving to be a difficult decision

"I like this one" Jack pointed to a red sporty car

"Jack where you going to put a car seat in that?" She asked "We need something for the whole family, How about a minivan?" she said

"A minivan?" He said looking at her not going for it at all

So she decided to give up on it and find something else "How about a Sedan?"

"My dad drives a Sedan" He said bitterly

"But it would be good for the whole family, look here its rated Best Buy in Consumer's Guide"

Jack knew she was right, it was safe, reliable and sensible. When he saw her choice, his face sank; he was just too young to drive a car like this.

Seeing his expression, she wrapped her arms around his waist pulling him into her "I think you'll look amazingly sexy driving this"

"I'm going to look like my father" He told her unpleased

"No" She said "You're going to look like our baby's father, no man can come close to that" She reassured him

He smiled knowing she was right and still trying to make him feel better, one of those little things he loved about her.

**Next Chapter: They look at a house, they book their wedding, Jack makes some new friends & see's something he wishes he hadn't seen?**


	6. If I had a 1000, I'd Buy You A House

The past few weeks Jack still hadn't found a job, although he really hadn't looked, because of that he had some time on his hands, his whole life he'd spent chasing after surgery's and the rush of being in the OR for 13 hours working on saving someone's life, that constant pressure to deliver and fix everything was consuming all of his time, he was realizing that it had completely taken over the rest of his life as well not just his work. For years he had do being doing something at ever moment, there was always something that was broken, always something to fix, more and more now he figured out that he'd lost the ability to just relax. Until now that is.

The passing days where he did nothing, and was bored were actually kind of refreshing for him, there was nothing to do and for the first time in a long time Jack was setting the pace of his own life instead of his life choosing the pace for him. Being bored was underrated he decided.

His favorite time to be bored was when he got to be bored with Kate. He loved the feel of her wrapped in his arms and snuggling into his chest while they watched the game at night, and every now and then when she'd surprise him and pick him up, so his car wouldn't be in the driveway for people to see of course, and then he could wake up with her in the morning and lazily lay around with her for awhile. He loved having coffee with her and seeing her in pajamas with her hair all wild and crazy, but to him the morning sun hit her face in just the right way and she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

They'd also been looking for a house, Jack knew that Kate had a pretty good idea of what she wanted the house to be, so he thought it wouldn't take them long to find their house. Well he was wrong.

They spend 3 very long weekends looking at houses, Kate seemed to enjoy this like a kid in a candy store, and Jack on the other hand found it exhausting. They were now on their last day of their 3rd weekend of house shopping fun.

This house was beautiful, it was a two story brick house, with a open area porch overlooking the water, the inside layout was wide and open which Kate loved, the place wasn't the newest house and had been on the market for awhile but Kate assured him that it gave it character and the Realtor told him that renovations would cost no more than the sale price.

"Great" Jack said, wondering if his bank account could handle it

Kate was spinning at the entrance, looking around with a big grin on her face "Come on, Can we walk through the upstairs again?" She asked grabbing Jack's hand and pulling him up the stairs when the women nodded

"By the way if you're thinking of starting a family, there's an attic you have to see, it would make a wonderful playroom" She told them leading them up to the attic

Jack looked over at Kate smiling, Kate held back a laugh as she realized what he was thinking, and they were already way past the thinking stage.

Walking back down the stairs "Can we buy it?" Kate asked him sweetly, he really didn't think the house was worth the price and the renovations, but the look Kate had plastered on her face since they walked in, now that was defiantly worth it. "Whatever you want" He smiled at her. They signed the papers a few days later and he house was theirs.

* * *

Now they were sitting on their couch together, Jack was watching the game highlights on cable, and Kate was reading one of those _Everything You Need to Know about Giving Birth _books.

"Can you believe my cervix is going to dilate ten centimeters?" Kate suddenly asked

Jack couldn't tell if he'd heard her right, maybe she just trying to get his attention, well that certainly did "What?" He laughed looking over at her stunned

She folded back the page and reached over to show him, he pushed the book away from him with laughter" Of course I know that Kate, why are we talking about it though?" He asked not wanting her to answer

She started to chuckle along, okay so it was kind of a strange topic "Okay so what about the lighthouse?" She asked changing the topic to their wedding

Jack stared at her dumbfounded, as if he had no clue what she was talking about, than he realized he was supposed to book the lighthouse by the lake, where they first kissed for the wedding, bringing his hand up to his forehead

"You still haven't reserved it Jack" Kate asked

"I tried, I did" Jack explained "But these people won't talk to me unless I fill out forms, I feel like am a terrorist or something"

"It will be June by the time, we get these arrangements " She complained

"I'll figure something out" He told her, and there it was again, something he needed to fix

She wrapped her arms around his waist, kissing him softly "I know you will, I'd rather not be showing for our wedding, and my pants are already tighter and I'm pretty sure my butt is getting bigger" She told him pulling at the loops on her jeans

The common sense in Jack was screaming _Of course your getting bigger ! Your pregnant!_

But the side of him that had any chance of getting some more kisses tonight, decided to go a different way "You look exactly the same to me, Your beautiful" He insured her, giving her a meaningful kiss on the lips, pulling away Kate said

"Talk to Bernard"

He looked at her , keeping his expression as serious as he could "He thinks your butt is getting bigger?"

Kate leaned her head back laughing, punching him playfully on the shoulder "No! about the reservation, He'll be able to help"

"Okay" He said through his laugh "I'll do that" as he went in for another kiss

**Tell me what you think? ******

**Next Chapter: Kate tried to help Jack **_**fit in**_**, and Rose and Jack have a talk, Jack finally books their wedding spot and Sawyer comes back. ;)**


	7. LumberJack's Wear Plaid!

The next two weeks for Jack was mostly writing checks to the contractor for the house. So much was changing, and it was changing fast, and not just the big stuff, the obvious things, but the little things too. Like what to wear. He'd always thought he had a fairly good sense of style, some of his ex- girlfriends complimented him on his appearance, but apparently Kate had a slightly different opinion that seemed to want to change him. A few nights ago she came into the living room where he was sitting with a gift-wrapped box; Jack was touched at her thoughtfulness…that is until he opened it.

He opened it to find a plaid shirt._ Plaid_ he said to himself, like the kind that lumberjacks wore.

"Thanks" He said forcing out a smile

Kate just stood there staring at him "You don't like it"

Jack shook his head "No, I do" He lied not wanted to hurt her feelings "Really" He added kissing her forehead

She smiled "I just figured you might want something in your closet to you know help you fit in with the guys here, "Your friends" She started "I case…I don't know want to play poker, or hunt or fish or something like that"

Jack raised his eyebrows at her confused "What friends?" He stared blankly "And I don't hunt or fish Kate"

"I know" She said "But maybe one day you will, like Sawyer plays poker once a week, and Locke is the best hunter around"

"Sawyer or Locke?" He said trying but failing to want to spend a few hours with either one of these guys "Sawyer doesn't like me, neither does Locke" He said twisting the fact that he really didn't like them either.

Kate crawled over to him on the couch "That's ridiculous Jack, how could they not like you?" She whispered in his ear, sending chills down his spine, bringing his mouth to hers as they fell flat on the couch.

* * *

Tonight Kate was at the hall with Rose, and Jack decided to stay home and give Mark a call, which wasn't proving to be the best decision because all that was happening was Jack getting picked on about everything that's been going on there.

"Poker with Sawyer and hunting Locke? I would pay to see that man" Mark laughed through the receiver "Just let me know when this happens, I'll make a special trip down to record for you" He told his friend

Running a hand through his hair "That's okay, I'll pass Mark thanks"

Deciding to let it go he replied "But she has a point man, you do need to make some friends down there"

"So you working yet?" Mark asked after Jack didn't reply to the previous statement

"No, I'm not" He answered "Between the house and the wedding; I've barely had a spare minute"

"Wait a minute, let me get this straight" He said "You Jack Shephard is not working at all"

"No" He simply said

"But you love working" Mark said confused

"I know, I'll get back to it after things settle down here" Jack could sense Mark's skepticism at his answer

"Alright man, Good" He finally replied

* * *

The next day, Rose gave Jack a call and asked him to have lunch with her. Jack agreed he figured Rose was the person he liked the most since he been here, so it wouldn't be so bad.

"Kate's worried about you" Rose said "She cares about you"

Their food came and then they continued their chat about Kate. "She wants you to feel like you belong here, to be happy here, she doesn't want you to be here just because she's here, and she knows it was a big sacrifice for you to leave your family and come here, she just doesn't want you to think of it that way"

Jack nodded taking a sip of his drink "I don't think that" He said "Believe me, I'd be the first to tell her if I felt that way Rose"

Rose smiled sweetly at him and he continued "But come on Rose, Sawyer and Locke?" He said with a little laugh

She laughed along replying "I know what you're saying but believe it or not, once you get to know them their pretty good guys, but if that's not how you relax we'll just have to find something else for you" She smiled at him

Just than Bernard came walking up to them "How are we doing today Jack?"

"I'm good Bernard, How are you?"

"Good good" He replied and Jack remembered his conversation with Kate about the wedding

"Bernard, I'm glad you're here because I have a favor to ask you" Jack pushed over so the older man could sit down also

"What can I do for you Jack" He asked

"Well Kate wants to have the wedding at the old lighthouse, but I haven't been able to get through to anyone about it, Can you help me out with that?"

Bernard was hitting his finger tips on the table "That's a tricky one son"

"I know, that's why we need your help" He asked hopefully

Looking over at his wife who gave him a nod and back at Jack "Okay, son I'll see what I can do"

Bernard puffed up a bit and asked "What weekend were you thinking for the wedding?"

"May?" He said feeling uneasy

"Early or late?" The man asked

Jack shrugged "The earlier the better"

"In a rush huh?" He joked "Well consider it done Jack" with s pat on the shoulder he walked away

"Well I should go tell Kate the good news" Jack said "I had a nice time Rose, thanks"

"My pleasure honey" She said giving him a hug before sending him off

* * *

Jack was excited to tell Kate the news, but he decided to stop at the town's only florist and pick up some flowers for Kate, he'd found some yellow ones he knew she'd love and got back in the car.

Hurrying home to tell Kate that he finally managed to book their wedding he passed by the docks and noticing a car that looked familiar parked there, stopping and getting out, He walked over to the docks, he felt the breeze from the lake hit him when he got close enough. Looking out into the water , he noticed something. It was two people sitting at the edge of the dock, as he got a closer look he realized that it was Sawyer, looking again he saw that it was Kate who was with him, but to his surprise that's not the sight that haunted him, getting closer he could see that between their bodies laid both of their hands. Intertwined together. They were holding hands.

Dropping the flowers where he stood, he quickly walked away, trying to get the image of what he'd seen out of his mind.

**So what's he going to do about what he saw, just let it go, it was just hand holding right? ;)**

**Review!**


	8. Hormones

Jack knew that what he saw shouldn't bother him, deep down inside he knew that Kate loved him, and she didn't want to be with Sawyer. But as the weeks rolled by he found himself dwelling on the scene that had been right before his eyes. That night he asked Kate if anything interesting happened that day, she replied no, telling him she'd spent the whole day with Rose. He didn't question her further. He decided to just try and let it go, yes, she was holding Sawyer's hand, but that could have been a sign of sympathy or support. Which meant he had nothing worry about right?

Well then why was he still thinking about it? Why when he saw them did he feel a stab of jealousy?

He knew why, it was because Kate lied about it. A lie of omission, maybe, but it was still a lie either way. Getting in his car and going for a drive o clear his head, he was going to put this past them because it really wasn't make or break, he loved her and he was going to marry her and this didn't matter.

A few weeks later Kate and Jack got their first taste of pregnancy during the night. Around 2 in the morning Kate rolled over in the bed and gave Jack a gentle shake while whispering his name, causing him to stir before his eyes fluttered open "Kate? What's wrong?"

"I'm hungry" She told him with a shy smile

Clearing his eyes from sleep he repeated her "You're hungry"

She nodded apparently wide awake now "I want some ice cream"

Jack's mind suddenly flashed back to when Claire was pregnant for Aaron, and the weird middle of the night cravings she would get, realizing that's probably what this was, he asked sweetly "You want me to get you some?"

Kate gave him an adorable smile "But we don't have any downstairs, can you go get some at the store?"

Jack blinked _the store _, was their even a store open this late?, looking over at her, she was still smiling at him, and in the dark he could barely make her out, but her eyes seemed to stand out, like that thing people say about women being pregnant, he was starting to think they were right

Swinging his feet over the edge of the bed "Sure, what else do I have to do at 2 in the morning" He mumbled to himself before pulling on a pair of jeans and a shirt to go get her ice cream

"Oh and chocolate chip cookies, and peanut butter" She listed before he reached the bedroom door, he nodded smiling

"Oh and Jack" She said making him peek his head back into the bedroom expecting her to say something else she'd like "I love you"

Jack smiled and replied "I love you too" before going to get what she wanted

* * *

About a week after the whole cravings thing started, Jack was met with something he didn't expect this time, these crazy mood swings she had sometimes.

One night he awoke to the sound of Kate's sniffling, rolling over on his back he felt that she wasn't beside him anymore, sitting up and looking over to the window he saw her sitting in the ledge in front of it

"Kate are you okay? What's wrong" He asked her from the bed

Turning from her view of the window now looking towards Jack, "I'm sorry" She said "I didn't mean to wake you"

Shaking his head he told her "That's okay, it's not a problem. What's going on?"

She sniffled again before explaining "Nothing, I'm just sad"

Jack growing concerned climbed out of bed, getting a chill when the cold night air hit his bare chest, he walked over and sat next to her, pulling his feet up causing their toes to touch because of the ledge being so tiny "And you don't know why you're sad?" He asked once they were comfortable

Then at one time, she just broke down, cries weeping out of her body making her shoulders shake, Jack swallowed before his hands went up and down her arms slowly as he tried to comfort her "Hey, It's going be alright, It's going to be okay"

"No it won't" She blubbered "It's never going to be okay" She added shaking her head

Jack trying to understand asked "What's never going to be okay?"

It took a few minutes before she regained her control and was able to talk to him, after a long pause she looked at him with puffy red eyes "I killed my cat" She breathed out

There were a lot of things he expected her to say in that moment, maybe that her life was moving so fast and he had no dough that this had to do with her hormones but he couldn't have guessed this comment coming out of her mouth, he just stared blankly at her "Your cat?" He questioned

She nodded "I…..killed…….it" She said through her sobs

"Oh" was what came out of his mouth, the truth was that he never seen a cat around her place, honestly he didn't even know she liked cats.

When his eyes went back to looking at her, he saw she had a hurt expression on her face "That's all you have to say?" She shot out a bit too angrily

He was frozen, what was he supposed to say?

Should he agree with her? _Yeah you shouldn't kill your cat._

Should he empathize? _That's okay he deserved it._

Should he support her? _You're still a good person even if you killed your cat._

Seriously he had no idea, years of medical training and he had no idea how to go about this subject, Meanwhile he was trying to remember ever seeing a cat, getting confused and frustrated he simply said "Why don't you tell me what happened?" trying his best to sound soothing for her

Luckily for Jack, it seemed to be the right thing to say because her sobs soon stopped and she blew her knows once more before speaking "I was doing the laundry and I was changing the loads" She stopped "I knew he liked warm places, I should have made sure but I didn't and I closed the door. I killed Whiskers"

Jack caught on to the name, Whiskers was the name of the cat. Still he had no idea what she talking about, carefully he asked "When did this happen?"

"Over the summer, I was packing for the hunting trip with Bernard" She told him

Realization hit him then "Oh, we're talking about when you were a kid" he said happy he was starting to understand

"Of course, what did you think?" She said sounding irritated

Jack just shook his head, urging her to continue "He was my baby" She said in a soft voice "I heard thumping around and then I found him"

She broke down again, and Jack pushed himself closer to her, opening his legs and bringing her into his chest, arms wrapped around her tightly "It was an accident sweetie" he reassured her

She sobbed even harder "But don't you see?I am going to be a terrible mother……I locked my cat….in the dryer" She sobbed

* * *

"She just wouldn't stop crying" Jack told Rose the next day while having lunch "No matter how much I told her she'd be a wonderful mother, she just wouldn't believe me, she cried until she drifted off to sleep, and this morning she was fine"

Rose laughed "That's pregnancy Jack" She said "It's an amplifier. Everything gets bigger, your body, your tummy your arms and your emotions and memories do too"

"Sometimes you go crazy and do strange things honey, just bare with her" She added

Her comment brought the image of Kate and Sawyer floating into his mind again, he was quickly brought out of it "Jack, you okay?"

Nodding "Yeah, I just got a lot on my mind" He said with a smile

Rose sipped her coffee "I take it, you're still not working"

"Excuse me" Jack asked confused

"You heard me honey" She said with a softness in her voice "You aren't being a doctor here, that's who you are, it's how you define yourself and if you can't do that" She paused "Well it's kind of like Kate's amplifier, it blows everything else up"

Jack decided that Rose was right, so he picked up his laptop and turned it on, glancing at his inbox he noticed that he had an email, opening it up. There was no address on the top of the screen, no name, just simply a message.

It was a simple message that seemed to taunt him. It read

HOW DO YOU KNOW THE BABY IS YOURS?

**Next Chapter: Shopping for baby stuff, & some angst, has Jack really forgotten about the hand holding?**

**Let me know what you think?! :)  
**


	9. Lies & Denial

_What if it's not your baby?_ Those words rang in Jack's head all night _Of course the baby's mine _He wanted to scream. The message seems to scream how do you know?

He sat there as his mind raced for answers. Because him and Kate had an amazing night together, Because Kate told him it was his, and why would she lie? Because they were getting married, Because it was his baby.

Right?

He shook the thought out of his head, and tried to regain control of his emotions. There's nothing to get worked up about. Who would send something like this? And why, because they thought it would be funny? Because maybe somewhere inside Jack wondered if it was really he's baby? No he thought fighting with himself _I know the baby's mine_.

He continued to battle with himself. The only reason he could think of as to why someone would send this email was to create trouble between him and Kate, but who would want to do that?

_The real father?_ A voice inside him said and suddenly his mind flashed back to Kate and Sawyer holding hands on the docks

Jack shook his head, there was no way, and it simply wasn't possible. It might take some time but Jack would find out who sent this email.

* * *

On Saturday morning Jack and Kate went out for breakfast, and instantly took away any dough that Jack might have had about the baby not being his. Later they got in the car and Kate was talking away as normal.

"Oh Jack, I wanted to stop by the store today, look for a crib" She said

Nodding "Okay, let's go"

She raised his eyebrows "You want to come with me? To look at cribs?" She asked

He laughed at her surprised expression "Yeah, I want to come"

"You know it's going to take some time, you might get bored" She said

"I won't get bored, I love shopping" He promised

"Since when? This is baby stuff" She said laughing

"I live to buy baby stuff" He joked

Laughing she replied "Okay, let's go"

An hour later, Jack walked into one of those department baby stores, looking around he was starting to think maybe Kate was right, not only was this store huge but the amount of things to look at that were on sale, frankly was making him dizzy.

For example, who knew that there were so many different types of mobiles you could attach to a crib. I mean there's ones with colors, ones with animals, one's that played music. Jack and Kate literally stood there going through the choices for a good twenty minutes.

"I read that babies mostly respond to black and white" Kate said

Jack nodded "Than let's go with this one" He said pointing to one with black and white designs

"But I wanted to do an animal theme, and I'm not sure it will match" She told him

"So how about this one, with Hippos and Giraffes"

Kate sighed "But it's not black and white"

Jack chuckled "So you really think if our baby doesn't have a black and white mobile, she's going to flunk out of kindergarten?"

"No, Of course not" She laughed gently hitting him in the shoulder , still she stood there, arms folded over her chest, not any closer to a decision

"What about this one?" Jack finally offered "It's got panels you can change from black to white, and it has animals, it even spins and plays music"

She smiled, and rested her head on his shoulder "That's perfect" She leaned up to kiss his lips

After walking around and gong through the same thing for everything else they bought, he loaded the mountain of boxes into the car.

"By the way, what time is it?" Jack asked

Kate laughed "About 3, ten minutes since you asked last time"

Jack shrugged "Really? It seems later"

"I tried to warn you, you'd be bored"

"I'm not bored, I happen to care about my baby unlike some fathers" He said stressing my baby

Kate smiled amused, she walked towards him and slipped her arms around his neck, kissing him softly "What do you say I make it up to you, a nice romantic dinner at my place?" She said seductively "And maybe after dinner we could find something else to do" She hinted

Only Kate could make a day like today seem worth it he realized "I think I can come up with something"

"I can't wait to hear all about it" She said leaning in to kiss him, her cell phone decided to pick that moment to ring, with the mood broken, she pulled back, fiddling in her purse for her phone

"Hello?" The way she said it and the tone of her voice after minutes into the call, Jack knew something was wrong

They spent the next hour sitting with Rose at the dinner; Juliet didn't show up for her shift, and wasn't answering her phone. Rose was worried and called Kate over to see if she knew where she was. Jack decided to go to the hotel room, it wasn't really his place to be there, and he barely knew Juliet. A while later his phone rang

"Hey" He answered

"Hey Jack, listen I won't be able to make it tonight, can we take a rain check, maybe tomorrow?" She said

"Why?" Jack had to ask he was looking forward to spending some time with her, that didn't involve what color their unborn baby would respond to more

"Oh, it's Rose, we're heading to her place, and she's still worried so I should probably stay for a while"

Jack nodded, as if she could see it through the phone "Do you want me to come by? Bring some food?"

"No, its okay, I don't think she'd really in the mood for eating" She replied

"Alright" He said "I understand"

"I'll make it up to you, I'll even wear something sexy while I cook you dinner tomorrow" She joked

Despite his disappointment, he keeps his voice steady "Sounds good"

"I'll call you later, I love you, you know that right?" She said

"Yeah, I know that" He replied before hanging up and letting her be with family

* * *

After they got off the phone, Jack walked around his hotel room, falling on the bed occasionally, completely bored out of his mind. His mind drifted to everything that's happen these days, the hand holding, the lies, and the email. He thought about making some excuse to call Rose and see if Kate was still there, or maybe drives by the dinner, but that would mean he didn't trust her right?

He did trust her, he loved her. Still he couldn't fight the urge to go check, getting in the car and driving around the town, it was dark now and not very visible, on his way he pulled around the corner to the dinner, than remembered that Kate had said she was going to Rose's, so he pulled up to her house, all the lights were off, and Kate's car wasn't in the drive way. Shaking it off, he started to drive home, on his way he passed by a house, stopping when he saw the lights were still on, the only one's on the block, he also saw Kate's car in the driveway, this house happen to belong to a man named Sawyer.

Driving to Kate's house, he parked on the side of the street, and walked over to sit on the steps, waiting for her to come home. He had the key he couldn't have went in but he didn't really want too, he didn't know what he wanted, he wanted to punch Sawyer in the face, and he wanted to bury his head in his hands and cry. But he just sat there. He didn't give up everything, and move down here, to be lied to, she either loved him or she didn't, simple as that/

She pulled up hours later, to find Jack still sitting on her steps; she seemed surprised to see him

"Hey" She said "What are you doing here?"

Jack rose from his seat on the steps "Just waiting" He replied

He made no move to get closer to her, and she noticed this, she leaned in to kiss him. Sensing his lack of emotion, she tugged on the sleeve of his shirt "Are you okay?"

It was the perfect opportunity to tell her what he had on his mind, but he didn't "Nothing, just tired"

"How's Rose?" He asked

"Worried. Juliet still hasn't called or answered her phone" She told him

Jack nodded "So you spent the whole night with Rose?" he asked as he stood taller

"Pretty much" She said

"Pretty much?" He questioned her

Jack could sense that she was trying to figure out how much he really knew

"Yeah" She finally answered

"I swung by Rose's" He challenged "But you weren't there"

She stood arms crossed "Were you checking up on me?"

Jack laughed bitterly "You can call it whatever you want, it doesn't change the fact that you haven't told me the truth"

"Where were you tonight, after you left Rose's?" He asked

"I came here" She lied

"No, I mean before that" He said, feeling a sick pit in his stomach

"You were checking up on me weren't you?" She said getting mad now

Maybe it was her tone when she said it that made his temper flare "Just answer the question!" He snapped

"Why are you yelling?" She said "I told you were I was"

"No you didn't!" He yelled "You went somewhere after you left Rose's, you went to Sawyer's I saw you there!"

Kate took a step back "You followed me?"

Jack shook his head "No, I went to Rose's and you weren't there so I went looking for you, want to guess what I found?"

"It's not what you think" She protested

"Really?" He said "What do I think?"

She didn't answer so he continued "Do I think that my fiancé shouldn't be at another man's house, break a date with me to go spend time with another man?"

"This isn't about you" She shouted "Do you think I sleep with him or something?"

"Because I didn't, I don't keep secrets from you Jack" She added

"Oh really?" he said "Than what was holding hands with him on the docks than?"

"How would you feel about me sneaking away to spend time with my ex- girlfriend?" He challenged

"I wasn't sneaking away!" She shouted "We just talked, how many times do I have to tell you this?"

"Enough times to admit you were lying" He said

"I wasn't lying!" She shouted again

He starred at her, his voice taking on a hard edge "You lied, and you know it. That's bad enough but what hurts the most is that you keep trying to deny it to my face"

With that, he got in his car and sped blindly down the road to his hotel.

**Tell me what you think :)**


	10. What it Means to Trust Somebody

**Thanks for the reviews guys, i appreciate them. Here's the new chapter, It's kind of short and I've been up for 32 hours, so i hope it's not too disappointing. Enjoy!**

Despite all the evidence, he couldn't believe that Kate had some kind of affair going on with Sawyer. But something was going on between them that for some reason Kat felt uncomfortable talking about. Then, of course there was that email…..

Driving around blindly for a while, he finally stopped in front of the cemetery, this is where he first saw Kate, where he fell in love with her and she told him about her parents, he got out of the car and walked into it, he was surprised how different it was, every time he'd been there it had been foggy but tonight it was clear and he could make out the shape of each headstone. As he walked along the path, he thought of Kate again, had she told him the truth? Partially. Would she have ever told him if he didn't question her? Maybe. Did he have a right to be angry? Hell yeah he did.

He didn't like arguing with her, he hated it, and he really didn't like the way she looked at him when she found he was following her, he didn't like that about himself. He wished he never saw Kate and Sawyer together, it only brought up all these suspicions. Okay, she went to see Sawyer, but Juliet was missing, he would be the person to talk to.

But the email?

He didn't want to think about that either, he saw that from behind him the cemetery was getting brighter, turning his head to see that a car had pulled up and parked beside his, he recognized the car, it was Bernard's

"Jack Shephard?" The man called out "You out here?"

Jack cleared his throat "Yeah Bernard, I'm right over here"

"Well Jack, you certainly pick the strangest places to come to, I can think of at least a dozen better places for a man to be alone" He said as he started towards him

"What are you doing out here?" Jack asked

"Well I came to talk to you of course" The older man said "I saw you're car pass by the dinner, I waved but you didn't notice, I wondered where you were going in such a hurry, but thought nothing of it"

Jack held up his hands to stop him "I'm really not in the mood Bernard"

But the older man went on as if he hadn't even heard him "Then you drove by a second time, than a third, and I thought maybe you needed someone to talk to, maybe I could shine some light on your problem"

"What Problem?" Jack played dumb

"Why, the problem you're having with Katie, If I were you I don't suppose I'd be too thrilled about finding out she's been spending time with another man" Bernard said

Jack blinked in shock, speechless, they had just fought how did he know this already

"You're wondering how I know this." The man said sensing his confusion

Jack met Bernard's eyes, and shrugged "In a small town Jack, word gets around"

"I just figured Juliet's gone, Sawyer and her were dating, Kate and Sawyer are friends, and you're driving around town lost, it doesn't take much to put it together and know your upset about it, along with all the stress you're under" The man continued

"Stress" Jack asked

"The wedding, the house, the baby" He listed and Jack nodded agreeing

In an awkward silence Bernard shivered "It's getting chilly out here, so before I go, let me leave you with this. You know in your heart that Katie loves you, I know it, the whole town knows it, when folks see you two around here, they remember what it's like to be that young and in love, so you don't have anything to be concerned about, there's no reason to worry that Kate went to see Sawyer in his time of need"

Jack just glanced away as the older man went back to his car, he suddenly felt very alone.

* * *

Jack went back to his motel room, and opened his computer, staring at the message he'd received the other day, after reading it for what felt like the hundredth time, he picked up the phone to call Mark

"I don't know what to tell you man?" Mark said, sounding at a loss "What do you think it means?"

"I don't know" Jack shrugged

"Maybe you should just ask her about it man?" Mark suggested

"Oh yeah, I'm sure that will go over well, we'll already not speaking" Jack said

"What are you talking about?" Mark asked confused

Jack spent the next several minutes re- telling the story of what had been happening down there lately

"I just want to make sure I heard you right" Mark finally said "She was at Sawyer's and she didn't tell you?"

"No, but she said she was going to" Jack replied feeling the need to defend her

"And you believe her?"

That was the whole matter wasn't it? Would she really have told him?

"I don't know" He confessed

After a shirt pause, Mark said "I really don't know what to tell you"

"What do you think it means? Why would someone send me something like this?" Jack asked desperately trying to find a logical explanation

"Maybe they know something you don't?" Mark pointed out

"Or maybe they just want to break us up" Jack shot back at him

He didn't respond directly, instead he asked "Do you love her?"

Jack ran a hand through his hair "More than life"

As if trying to cheer his friend up, Mark changed the subject to the bachelor party "Well at least you'll head into the next phase of your life with one hell of a story from next weekend 6 days, I've been counting" He said

Jack smiled "It will be fun"

"Of course, it's not every day my best friend gets married" He paused "Again"

Jack laughed and Mark continued "But, listen if you hear anything else, give me a call, I hate to admit it but I'm beginning to live through your adventures" He joked

"I wouldn't call these emails an adventure" He stated

"But you've got to admit, they're making you think right?" He said

"Oh yeah" Jack admitted "They've been making me think"

And for the second time that night, Jack found himself thinking about what it really meant to trust somebody. Did he trust Kate? Most of the time yes he did, but lately that hasn't been very easy

**Okay so no Kate in this chapter, But Jack has some things to work out right? Hope it wasn't too bad, Let me know what you thought?**

**Next Chapter: Kate comes back, & Jack finds out something pretty interesting about Sawyer & Kate ;)**


	11. Another Lie

Jack was still lost in thought, it took him a minute to realize that someone was knocking on the door, she got up crossed the room and opened it

It was Kate. She forced a smile, despite her brave expression, her eyes were red and puffy and he knew she'd been crying "Hey" She said

"Hey Kate" He replied, she noticed he didn't make a move towards her so she looked down at the floor

"I guess you're wondering why I'm here huh?" She tucked a strained of hair back "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, I should have told you and it was wrong to have done what I did"

Jack studied her for a moment before stepping back and Kate walked in the room, sitting down on the bed, jack grabbed a chair and placed it in front of her

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked

"I didn't plan on going" She said "When I left Rose's, I was coming home, and then it hit me that I should talk to Sawyer, maybe he knew where Juliet went"

"What about before?" Jack asked "At the boardwalk, why didn't you tell me about that?"

"Sawyer is just a friend and he's going through a rough time, we go back a long way, I'm just trying to be supportive"

Jack noticed the careful way she avoiding answering the question. He leaned forward in his chair "No more games Kate okay?" He said "I just want to know why you didn't tell me"

Kate turned towards the window "I didn't want to be involved in the first place, and I didn't want you involved either" She drew in a breath "The thing is, Sawyer and Juliet have been fighting lately…about me, Juliet seems to think Sawyer still has feelings for me, but according to Sawyer she's wrong"

"Does he have feelings for you?" Jack questioned

"I don't know" She answered and saw Jack's face take on a disbelieving look, so quickly continued "I know that it sounds like a cop- out Jack, but I really don't know. Does Sawyer care about me? Yeah I think he does so if you're asking me if I think he would still be with Juliet if I wasn't engaged to you, all I can say is I think so, but…"

"You don't know for sure" Jack finished for her

"No" She said "But he knows that it's never going to work with us, I'm in love with you, but I think Juliet is a bit sensitive about it, they were fighting and I happen to walk by the boardwalk and seen him, we just talked Jack, I swear"

She sighed "And tonight, like I said it just happen. Since I'm friends with both of them, I care about them both; I figured I should listen when one of them needs to talk"

Jack ran his hand through his hair "Maybe you were right not to tell me, these soap opera situations aren't really my thing"

For the first time that night Kate seemed to relax "Mine either, they get old, it's even worse that I made you angry and suspicious, than I made it so much worse by trying to cover it up, Jack I am so sorry" Her voice grew softer and began to break

Jack got up from his chair and sat beside her on the bed

"Hey" He whispered into her hair "It's okay, don't cry"

His comforting works seemed to make her more emotional, and her cries became sobs, deep a heavy, he slipped his arms around her and her crying got heavier

"It's alright, Kate, Shhh" He whispered

She shook her head, and Jack kissed her forehead "It's alright, I forgive you Kate"

"No you don't, I saw the way you were looking at me when I got here" She choked between sobs

"I was mad, but I'm not now, okay?"

"Yes you are, you hate me now, were having a baby and all we do is fight" She cried

"I was mad Kate, but I don't hate you, I could never hate you" He reassured her

She cried into his shirt "I won't ever talk to him again" She seemed to be bargaining with him

"You can talk to him Kate, he's your friend, but maybe not at his house" Jack told her softly "Don't hold his hand either

If it was possible that made her cry even harder, that he was being so understanding, she cried for almost half an hour, before he heard her draw in jagged breathes and began to calm herself down

"I'm sorry" She said "I don't know what happened there"

"You cried" Jack said

For a long while after neither of them said anything, than Kate spoke "I'm getting tired"

"Crying can do that to a person" Jack said with a small smile

"So can pregnancy" Kate shot back

"Take it easy for a while, you're carrying my baby, you should probably head home, get some sleep" He told her

"You want to come over?" Kate asked

"I better not, you know what happens when I sleep over" Jack said with a flirty tone

Kate smiled, then suddenly turned serious "You're not staying here, because…" She trailed

"I'm not mad Kate" Jack smiled

"She kissed him then got up from the bed "Okay"

Jack walked her to the door, kissed her goodnight, and then walked over to his desk, a lot had been revealed tonight, but the email was something that still he had no idea about. When he got to his desk he opened the computer, checking his message, he saw another one with bold letter, clicking to open it, and he saw it was longer, it was almost like a medical file

It read

Sept 28, 1996:

K.A. Age 28,

Seven weeks along, James Ford likely father, Found out accidentally

Nothing else, K.A. ? _Kate Austen _

She was pregnant with someone else's baby. Yet another lie of omission.

**Hit the little button!! :)**


	12. Walking Out In The Middle Of A Fight

The next day Jack picked Kate up at Rose's, they were going to see the lawyer for their house and then Jack was heading to the airport to fly back for his bachelor party that Mark had planned.

"Hey, how are you?" Kate asked when she got in the car

Jack stared ahead at the road, he couldn't bring himself to respond, she put a hand on his shoulder "Are you okay?" She ventured

Jack tightened his grip on the steering wheel, keeping his control "Just thinking" He replied

She watched him for a while before asking "Do you want to talk about it?"

Jack simply shook his head and continued to drive down the road, She kept staring, not sure if she should be concerned, after a moment she spoke again "Isn't this exciting?" she said trying to lighten the mood "Our first house, we should celebrate, maybe go for lunch before the airport?"

Jack nodded "Sure, whatever"

Kate laughed bitterly "Well don't jump up and down about it"

He pretended to be completely attached to the road "I said I'd go"

Kate shook her head "I don't understand why you're in such a bad mood, we're getting our house, this is good news , you're supposed to be happy, but your acting like you're going to a funeral" She shot out

Jack opened his mouth to say something, but closed it quickly, knowing that if they started a fight now they wouldn't finish by the time they got to the lawyer's office, they drove in silence and when they got there, Kate wouldn't look his way, they got out and met the lawyer

"Today's the big day" She said "You two ready?" Kate nodded and Jack didn't say anything

The lawyer went into her office telling them their realtor would be there soon and they could get started. Jack and Kate sat facing each other instead of beside one another, Jack looking down at his feet or anywhere else but Kate

"What's wrong with you today?" She finally asked

He slowly met her gaze, and couldn't hold back any longer "Tell me what happen with James Ford" He said quietly

Before she could answer the lawyer came back out, they signed all the papers and heard all the facts about the house, the lawyer congratulated them and they walked outside, neither knowing what to say until finally Kate broke the silence

"Can we go to the house?" She asked

Jack stared at her "Don't you think we should talk first?"

Kate looked away from him "Let's talk when we get there"

* * *

The first the Jack noticed when he pulled up to the house was the balloons tied to the porch, he looked at Kate who had a shy smile "I put them up this morning, thought it would be a nice surprise"

Jack smiled at her, he knew he should probably say something more but he could only smile. Once he got out of the car, Kate was already standing on the porch, arms crossed over her chest

Her voice was almost a whisper "I had it all planned you know, I figured after we closed we'd come out here, I'd suggest a picnic, get some stuff from the dinner and come here, to _our_ house on the first day we'd own it, we could sit on the back porch and be happy because we'd never have this day again"

Her words hit his heart and he felt bad for his actions, but he knew he had to call her out on it; he had to know the truth once and for all

She drew in a large breath before she faced him again "Why do you want to know about James Ford?" She asked, but continued "It's Sawyer Jack, that's his name, and you know what happen with me and him, I told you we had a fling, I left and that's all"

"What happen Kate, all of it, tell me the truth just this once" He shot back at her

"Why are you doing this Jack?" Kate asked "I was thirty-one before I met you, I dated people, I don't ask you about Sarah or any other old girlfriends, A little jealousy is fine but this is crazy, when's it going to stop? Do you want me to make you a list?"

"This isn't about jealousy!" He snapped "it's about trust"

"Trust" Kate said "How do you expect me t trust you if you don't trust me, I've been afraid to even talk to Sawyer, and now that Juliet is back, I just can't do this anymore, it's like you're always looking for reasons to pick a fight"

"Don't blame me for this, I am not the one who's hiding things here" Jack answered

Kate stared at him, not hiding her confusion "What?" She whispered

"This isn't the first time you've been pregnant is it Kate?" He asked afraid to know the answer "With Sawyer, you were pregnant weren't you?"

There was a short silence before she cried "So what? Why does it even matter?"

Jack shook his head, his emotions catching up with him "It just hurts that you don't trust me enough to tell me"

She cut him off "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I didn't tell you because I don't want to go back to that place, that it hurt because I got pregnant and had a miscarriage, people make mistakes Jack"

"You're missing the point" He said

She cut him off once again "What point, that you were looking to pick a fight this morning, everything I do lately seems to make you made, I'm sick of feeling like I am the bad guy"

"Don't put this on me, I'm the one who sacrificed everything to come down here" he yelled

"See" She said back "That's what I mean, it's like you blame me, like I ruined your life by making you come down here"

"I didn't say that" he whispered

"No, but that's what you meant, stop thinking about yourself for once, I'm stressed too Jack, I'm the one carrying the baby and what do I get? It's like nothing I do is right anymore"

"That's because you don't think I do anything right, I don't dress right, I want the wrong car, you make all the decisions, I don't even get a say" He yelled shooting his hands in the air

"That's because I'm thinking about our family and you just think about yourself" She yelled back

"What about you?" He shouted "I'm the one who had to give up my family because you wouldn't; I had to risk my career because you wouldn't, and I'm the one paying for everything that_ you_ want"

"We're going to fight about money now?"

"Well, we couldn't have waiting on some of the renovations for the house, Yes" Kate glared at him "Because Kate in case you haven't noticed I don't have a job, and this place, there is nothing here!" He shouted

Kate looked at him, hurt in her eyes "Is that what you think that there's nothing here?" She asked

"Kate" He tried

"What about the baby? What about me? Does that mean anything to you or is that just nothing?" She asked tears spilling down her cheeks

"You know what I meant Kate" He answered

Kate wiped a tear away "No, I don't why don't you tell me?"

Jack shook his head, suddenly feeling completely exhausted, he looked at Kate and walked down the stairs, he didn't bother looking back, just got in his car and drove to the airport, leaving Kate there alone

**Hit the Button!**


	13. The Truth Hurts

Hours later, Jack was sitting in his parent's living room. Tonight was his bachelor party, it was supposed to be fun but all he could think about was Kate and the baby, and Kate and Sawyer and their baby, and him and Kate, he was brought out of his thoughts "Shouldn't you be getting ready?"

He looked up and saw his dad walking towards him "I am ready" He said

"What's with the shirt? You look like a lumberjack" His father joked

Jack laughed, at his quick need to get out of there; he didn't look at the clothes he was going to bring "You don't like it?"

"It's different; did you get that down there?" He asked

"Kate got it for me" He answered

"You should talk to her about her style, because I could probably pull it off, you can't" He joked, when he didn't get a response he tried a different approach "What's going on? You and Kate have a fight before you left?"

Jack raised his eyebrows "What makes you say that?"

His father shrugged "Just the way you've been acting, wanna talk about it?"

Jack debated rather or not to tell him, then decided not too "Not really, it's private"

Christian nodded "Always a good idea, when couples fight, keeping it private is the best thing" He said "But all couples fight, that's what you need to remember"

"I know" Jack replied

"Yeah, but I know you Jack, right now you're thinking you and Kate argue more than you should, I can't tell you if you are or if you're not, but I can say that I met that young lady when she was here and you'd be a fool not to try to resolve the problems you have, she's one of a kind, and we all think you got pretty lucky" He finished

"You don't even know her, you met her once" Jack shot at him

"Do you know she's been writing letters to your mom and Claire since you've been down there?"

Jack face registered his surprise, and Christian went on "That's what I thought, She's been writing how you've been and sending pictures, she sent one of her in her wedding dress, she wanted to make us all feel like we were a part of this with the two of you, your mom can't wait to go down and spend some time with her"

Jack blinked "Why didn't I know about this?" He asked

"I don't know" His father said "But the point is that she knew your mother and your sister were having a hard time with you leaving and instead of taking it personally, she went out and founds ways to include them, it takes a special person to care that much"

"I can't believe it" He said stunned

"Look Jack, I know you've been married before, but you get to start over now, so when things get rough remind yourself of why you fell in love with her in the first place, she's a great woman with a heart of gold, you can't fake something like that"

"Why do I get the sense that you're on her side, and you think the argument was my fault?" Jack asked

"Because I've known you all your life" He father replied "You've always been good at picking fights"

Despite everything, Jack laughed

* * *

Hours later, Jack was leaning against the wall at Mark's apartment, there were a bunch of people around, he knew about 5 of them, he hadn't seen Mark in at least a few hours since he took off with some girl.

"You having fun yet?" Mark asked "You want another beer"

Shaking his head he replied "No, I'm good thanks"

"Nice shirt" Mark laughed

"I know you've already told me, twice" He shot back

Mark patted his friends shoulder "I'm going to keep telling you, rather Kate bought it for you or not, you look like a tourist man"

"It's the new me" Jack simply stated

"Weren't you the one complaining about it in the first place?"

Jack shrugged "It grew on me"

"I don't know anyone here man" Jack said later

"Don't worry this is just the pre-party" Mark answered

"Do I want to know what you planned for later?" Jack asked, feeling uneasy

Mark laughed shaking his head "Don't bother, it's a surprise"

"Come on man, get off the wall and have another beer, you supposed to cut loose" Mark told him, knowing he was still on his first beer

Jack took a ship "I'm fine, I'm having fun" He tried

"You've changed man" Mark told him

Jack shrugged his shoulders "Maybe I'm just growing up"

"What's going on man did you and Kate have another fight?" He asked feeling his friends tensing

"Sort of" He finally admitted

"What wrong now, you forget to kiss her the right way before bed?" He asked cockily

"She's not like that okay" Jack snapped

"Want to talk about it?" He asked, Jack just shook his head, he didn't want to talk about anything right now, he didn't want to think, he wished he could just shut his brain off for awhile

"Fine, at least talk to your sister, if you're unhappy man"

Jack got up of the wall "I'm not unhappy" He stated "What the hell's gotten into you, it's like you don't want me to marry her"

"I don't think you should marry her" Mark finally snapped "It's not too late to back out"

"I love her!" He shot, his voice rising almost above the music

"Because I'm worried about you okay, you're not working, you're almost broke and Kate doesn't trust you enough to tell you she's been pregnant before" Mark yelled back at him

Jack took a step back "What did you just say?"

"What part I said a lot man" Mark questioned

"You just said Kate was pregnant before, how did you know that?" Jack asked

Mark realizing his mistake, stumbled to find words "I…don't know….you…you must have mentioned it"

Shaking his head, and pacing "No I didn't, I just found out before I came down here" He stated "How the hell did you know that!"

There was a long hesitation along with a long silence, until Mark finally spoke "Juliet came here"

"What?" Jack asked, his eyebrows raising in confusing

"She came here a few weeks ago" He admitted

Jack's head was spinning a million miles an hour; Juliet had gone to see Mark, why would she do that? A few weeks ago, that's when the letters started coming, and suddenly everything was clear to him

"You sent those e-mails didn't you?" Jack yelled "You lied to me"

Mark took a big step back "Okay look, Juliet came and told me all this stuff man, I didn't know she was coming you got to believe that, as for the e-mails, yeah I sent them but only because you're my friend and I care about and I didn't want you to make a mistake"

"You think the baby's Sawyers, is that what you're saying?" Jack asked

"I don't know what to think man" Mark tried

People were starting to stare at the two of them now, Jack ignored them "You know what, I don't give a dame what you think, it's my baby and I'm going to marry Kate because I love her, and I'm going to live in Iowa with her and the baby because that's where I belong" He yelled at him, getting in his face now

"Look man you don't have to yell-"Mark said

"You lied to me" Jack snapped "You betrayed me"

"No" He said "All I did was ask the questions you should have been asking all along"

Jack looked away, the anger rising in his body, with a quick swing he shot the beer in his hand at the wall, watching it crumble on the floor, than he turned to Mark and pushed him against the wall "I never want to see or hear from you again" He said "You and me man, we're done"

With that he turned and strode out the door.

**Hit the button, Next Chapter: What Kate's been doing? & Reunion :)**


	14. The Best Thing

"I haven't heard from him" Kate admitted the next morning, eyeing Rose across the table at the diner

"I'm sure it will be alright Honey" Rose reassured her

Kate shook her head "You didn't see his expression at the house yesterday, the way he looked at me, like he hated me" She said

Rose looked up at her, knowing she needed comfort but knowing she needed to hear this too "Can you blame him?" She asked

Kate's head jerked up "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just what I said" Rose replied "How would you feel if you discovered something about Jack that made you feel like you couldn't trust him?"

Kate stiffened "I didn't come here to listen to the"

Before she could get up Rose spoke again "So you came here for sympathy, but when you told me the story I kept thinking about how Jack might have seen all this stuff, he sees you holding hands with Sawyer, you break your date to spend the evening with Sawyer, and on top of all that he finds out you were pregnant before, It's no wonder he's angry"

Kate blew out a breath an air "I said sorry, I explained everything"

Rose nodded, reaching out for Kate's hand "I know you did, but sometimes that's not enough." She told her "You can't hide stuff from him if you want his trust, you should have told him about the baby and Sawyer"

Kate pulled her hand away "You sound like you're on his side"

Rose nodded "On this, I am honey; I know that Sawyer's been your friend for a long time, but you're engaged to Jack, the rules change." She said "If you just told him you wanted to talk to Sawyer, to see where Juliet went, I'm sure he would have understood, but you didn't tell him the whole story, and it's not the first time"

"And then he finds out you were pregnant before?" She adds

"So what, I have to tell him everything?" Kate shot at her

Shaking her head "No, but this, it would have been so much easier for you to tell him then for him to find out the way he did"

Kate turned towards the window, her mouth a stubborn line, Rose reached out for her hand again

"What's going on with you two, the stress you're both under…That's called life Honey" She said "Life has a tendency to throw you some curveballs, everybody has ups and downs, but couples can't work without trust, you need to trust each other Kate "

In the silence, Kate thought about what Rose was saying "You think he'll come back?" She asked, her voice betraying her and showing her fear

"He'll come back" Rose said, squeezing her hand

"He hasn't even called" Kate told her

"He's coming back honey, don't worry" She finished

* * *

Kate left the diner, and on the way home thought about the conversation she had with Jack, and with Rose. This was no way to start their marriage, and she would end it right now, when she got home she'd call Jack and tell him that she's sorry and she missed him.

When Kate pulled into her driveway, she blinked in confusion before noticing what they figure was standing on her door step

"Hi" Jack said quietly

She forced a steady voice and smile when she approached him "I'm glad to see you, It's not often I come home to such a handsome man waiting on my porch"

Jack lifted his head to look at her, and for the first time she saw the exhaustion in his face, she thought about throwing herself into his arms but there was something so fragile about him now, she held back

"Are you still mad at me?" She decided to ask

He didn't answer, just stared at her; she reached out for his arm "Because I understand if you are, I should have told her, I won't keep things from you again, I'm so sorry Jack"

"I'm sorry too" He admitted "I shouldn't have overreacted"

Kate moved closer to him, he hesitated briefly before opening his arms to her, she stepped into them and kissed him gently on the lips, with his arms wrapped around her tightly, they held each other for a long while before she asked "Are you okay?"

"No, not really" He answered

She lead him inside by his hand, once he placed himself on the couch, he patted the spot beside him "Come here, I have something to tell you"

Her heart skipped at beat at his words, she sat next to him "Is this about us?"

When he nodded, she prepared herself for the worst "Are you going to move back?"

It took a minute for him to grasp what she was talking about, but when he faced her, she saw the confusion "Why would you think that? Do you want me to move back?"

Kate's eyes were watery and she shook her head "Of course not, I just don't know what you're thinking?"

Jack shook his head "I'm sorry, I'm still trying to process everything, but I'm not mad at you, and I'm not thinking of calling off the wedding"

She felt her body relax "What is it then? Did something happen?"

"Yeah" He nodded before continuing "But there's more to it than that"

He started at the beginning, telling her about his worries, and the stress, as he spoke she realized she hadn't known about how hard it was for him here, she hadn't even bothered to ask him

"I saw you and Sawyer holding hands, and it bothered me and I know it shouldn't, then you went over to his house, and I guess I kind of just blew up, and I'm sorry" He told her "But something happen after each of those events"

He told her about the emails, and the way they made him feel as he read them

"But who would have done something like that?" Kate asked

"Mark" He stated

Kate shook her head "But how would he know?"

"Juliet told him, she went to see him" He said

Kate shook her head again "She wouldn't do that"

Kate felt like she couldn't breath, she didn't understand any of this "I thought Mark was you're friend, why would he do this?"

"I don't know" Jack shrugged "I've been trying to make sense of it too, The only thing I come to is that he in his own twisted way, he was trying to be my friend, he was trying to help me avoid a potential disaster" He told her

"Does your family know?" Kate asked

"About the emails?" Jack asked, "No, I didn't say anything"

"No, not about that, about you worrying if it was your baby?" She asked him

"I know it's my baby" He told her, the smallest hint of a smile playing on his lips

"It is your baby Jack, you're the only one I've been with in a long time, and it's your baby, _Our_ Baby" She told him, reaching out for his hand

"I know" He squeezed her hand

"But you wondered, you must have hated me" She said her voice cracking

"I never hated you" He told her, pulling her close "I love you, we're getting married next week remember?"

She turned her face into his chest, finding comfort in the circle of his arms, she smiled, she loved this man

"There's something else I need to tell you" He said after holding her for a moment

She shook her head in his chest "I don't want to know"

"You'll want to hear this" He said, she looked up at him, and he cupped her face in his hands, looking into her green eyes "Thank you"

Her lips curved into a small grin "For what?"

With a gentle smile, he leaned down to kiss her lips "For the letters you sent my mom and Claire, those things remind me that marrying you is the best thing I will ever do"

**Hit the button!**

**Next Chapter: Kate comfronts Juliet, & The Wedding :)**


	15. Dearly Beloved

The night that Jack got back home, it rained heavy and loud, but the weather didn't stop the reunion passion that Jack and Kate felt for each other. That night they made love for the first time in a while, with an intensity that surprised even the two of them, it was as if they were trying to erase all the pain and betrayals, all the secrets and anger of the past few months.

Now it was Tuesday night, Kate felt two arms wrap around her waist as she leaned against the counter in the kitchen, she smiled as Jack placed a small kiss on her neck before she heard him say "Juliet's here, she wants to talk to you"

Kate walked into the living room, Juliet flashed her nervous smile. They sat in silence for a while, before Juliet spoke "I'm sorry"

"I never meant for any of this to happen, I just want you to know that I didn't want to hurt you, I had no idea he was going to do what he did, I swear, I never would have said anything if I'd known, he fooled me" She said

"You're not the only one" Kate whispered "Can you just tell me how it happened?"

Juliet sat up straighter "You know that me and Sawyer have been having problems right?"

Kate nodded and waited for her to continue "It started there, I know that you and Sawyer see the relationship you had differently, to you his just a friend, but to him, well you're like some fantasy Kate"

"Jules" Kate interrupted just to be cut off again

"When he looks at me sometimes it's like he really wants to see you instead, I know that it sounds crazy but I felt like I wasn't good enough, one day I found Mark's number and I remembered him, I was feeling depressed and I called him, and we were talking, I talked to him about the troubles here, and the way he was talking he thought that the baby could be Sawyers" Juliet finished, tears escaped her eyes and fell down her cheeks

Kate was trying to take this all in, she felt sick to her stomach "It's not Sawyer's baby Jules, we haven't sleep together for years"

Juliet nodded in understanding "I never thought I'd talk to him again, the me and Sawyer had a fight, and I needed a break, so I went down there, But I swear Kate I never meant to hurt you, we were just talking" She tried to explain through the tears

"Hey Jules" Kate said, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder "I'm still angry but I know you didn't mean for all this to happen"

"I'm so sorry Kate" She swallowed "What will you tell Jack?"

"The truth, you didn't know" She replied

"So what about us, are we okay?" She asked hesitantly

Kate shrugged "I guess we have to be, because you're my maid of honor and all"

Juliet's eyes beamed "Really?"

"Really" Kate smiled

* * *

On their wedding day, the sun rose over a calm lake view casting glows of light over the water. Rose and Bernard met Jack's parents for the first time and hit it off completely. It was a small wedding, Jack's family, Kate's family and a few close friends.

The ceremony was intimate and romantic. Jack's parents stood closest to him as Rose and Bernard stood closest to Kate. Claire and Juliet stood next to the older couples. A guitarist sat off to the side playing soft music through out. The sun slowly setting and the flames from a dozen torches glowed.

They were on the beach, Kate was barefoot and so was Jack, she wore a light white dress that looked amazing on her, Rose smiled as she walked her up to Jack, Kate wouldn't let anyone but Rose give her away. Rose kissed her cheek before she walked up to Jack, as she reached him, he could smell the slightest trace of perfume in her hair.

They turned to the priest as he began to speak. He started like the normally do, Dearly Beloved, as Jack looked around at the people there, that's exactly who they were. He spoke softly about love and commitment and honesty and patients, he told them that life wasn't always going to be easy, but if they kept their faith in each other, they would always make it though. He then gave Jack the ring, and the other to Kate, as they slipped them onto each others fingers, Jack could feel his hands shaking.

They were pronounced them husband and wife, Jack kissed Kate softly, and in front of God and their family's, he promised to love and devotion fort he rest of his life to her, he never believed it could feel that natural and right. But it did.

* * *

After a sort honeymoon at a cottage a few miles away from town, they returned and settled into their new life. As the weeks past after that, Jack was growing a little frustrated and confused. One night they turned off the lights, and Jack spooned her, holding her tightly to himself, he turned around to the other side of the bed after a while to cool off, and he felt her reach for his hand

"Goodnight" She said her thumb moving slowly over his skin, his confusion led him to not respond

The nest morning Kate seemed to be upset about it, she walked into the bathroom and he followed leaning against the door frame, she finally spoke "What happen with you last night?" She asked "I was in the mood and you just went to sleep"

"How was I supposed to know that" Jack though his hands up in frustration

"I reached for your hand" She told him

He stood there; soaking this in, this is how she makes a pass at him? "I'm sorry, I didn't realize"

Two nights after that, Jack felt her reach for his hand again, this time he turned around to place a soft kiss on her lips

"What are you doing?" She asked pulling back

"You're holding my hand" He said "Last time that happened you were in the mood"

"That time I was" She said "But I was sort of stroking your palm lat time, this time I wasn't"

"So you're not-"He trailed off

"I'm not feeling up to it, you don't mind do you?"

Jacks shook his head with a sigh, and rolled over to his side

The next morning, he walked in on her sitting on the couch with her shirt pulled up over her stomach

"What are you doing Kate?" He asked with a laugh

"Come here quick" She told him "Sit beside me"

Jack took his place beside her on the couch and she pointed to her stomach "Just watch"

"Did you see it?" She asked

Jack shook his head slowly, and then all the sudden a small spot on her belly bulged, it happened so quickly he wasn't sure he'd actually seen something

"There I saw it!" Jack exclaimed "That's the baby"

Kate nodded, a permanent grin on her face "She's been active all morning, it's incredible isn't it?"

"It's amazing" He said, placing his hand on her stomach

"She put her hand over his "I'm sorry we haven't you know lately, I've been feeling nauseous, I was afraid to make love to you, but at least I know why now"

Jack shrugged "I hadn't really noticed"

Kate laughed out loud "Sure, when you sulk, you toss and turn Jack, it's obvious but I'm not feeling queasy now"

"You're not?" He raised his eyebrows

Kate shook her head "I'm feeling kind of like I did after we got married"

"You do huh?" He said bringing her close to him

Kate nodded her head, her expression seductive.

When Jack looked at Kate, he knew that he had never cared about anyone as deeply.

What he didn't know was that the hardest days were yet to come.

**Hit the button!...Coming Up- They talk baby names, and go to a doctors appoiment where they receive some news**.


	16. It Can Always Get Worse

**Sorry for the wait, school and sports have been pretty crazy for me lightly. Hope you like this chapter.**

"We still haven't decided on a name for the baby" Kate said

It was the second week of August and they were sitting on the porch of their new home, watching the water, their was no breeze so the water was just flat and still.

"I'm leaving that one up to you" Jack replied

Kate sighed "It's_ our_ baby, I want to hear what you think Jack"

"I've told you what I thought" Jack said "You didn't like it"

"We're not naming her Shelley" Kate said with a small laugh

"Shelley Shephard? How can you not like that?" He asked

He'd suggested it a few weeks before, and Kate objected to it so much, that now he couldn't help but tease her about it every chance he got.

"You don't think it has a nice ring to it?" He asked jokingly

Kate shook her head "You might as well name her Smelly Shephard "

Jack laughed "I was saving that one for her brother"

Kate slapped his shoulder playfully "Seriously you don't have any ideas?"

"Whatever you decide is fine by me" Jack told her

"I just want something that fits her you know?" Kate shrugged

"It doesn't matter what we choose it won't fit right away, no baby looks like a Jen or a Cindy" He said "They all look like Elmer Fudd" He laughed

It earned him another slap on the shoulder but despite herself Kate laughed too "No they don't, Babies are so cute" she told him "I'm warning you now, I'm going to be disappointed if you can't pick our baby out in the nursery"

Jack shrugged "No worries, that's why they have name cards"

"Ha, Ha" She said reaching for his hand "What about the sonogram tomorrow, are you excited?"

Jack smiled and gave her hand a squeeze "I can't wait, we really get to see her"

Kate raised her eyebrows "So you think it's a girl now too?"

"I think you've convinced me" He told her

"Told you, I just know these things" She said laughing

Jack rolled his eyes "It was 50/50, you just got lucky"

Kate sighed loudly "Still a non-believer huh?"

"I prefer skeptic" He joked

"My dream man" Kate laughed

"That's right" Jack nodded "Just keep telling yourself that so I don't have to prove it"

With another laugh Kate leaned up to kiss her husband.

* * *

"That's the baby's heart right there" The doctor said the next day, pointing at the fuzzy image on the screen "Those are the lungs and the spine"

Jack reached over and squeezed Kate's hand on the table.

After the doctor left the sonogram technician entered the room, and began moving the hand piece over Kate's belly, as she did she pointed out what she was seeing

"You're sure it's a girl?" Jack asked

"I'm sure" She smiled moving the hand piece again, she pointed to the screen "See here's a good shot, look for yourself"

Jack squinted "I'm not sure what I'm seeing here"

"This is the butt" She pointed "And these here are the legs"

"I don't see anything" Jack told her

"Exactly" She said "That's how we know it's a girl"

Kate laughed and Jack leaned closer to her "Say hello to Shelley" He whispered

"Hush! I'm trying to enjoy this" She said, squeezing his hand

"Alright, let me just get a few measurements to make sure she is developing on schedule" She said to them

When she was finished she said "She's right on schedule" then added "And it says here she's due on October 19th"

"So she's growing okay?" Jack asked

"Seems to be" She reassured him

She moved the hand piece to measure the femur and froze. Then she zoomed in on what seemed to be a white line stretching towards the baby that almost looked like static on the screen. All at once, she began moving the hand piece more quickly

"What are you doing?" Jack asked

She seemed to be lost in concentration "I'm just checking something" She murmured

"Is everything okay?" Jack asked, wanting to know what was going on

She drew in a long breath, her voice was surprisingly steady "I see something the doctor might want to look at, I'll be right back"

Jack knew the tone in her voice; she'd seen something unusual, something bad. At that moment time stopped and his mind raced through possibilities.

"What's going on?" Kate asked "What happened"

"I don't know" He said

"Is something wrong with the baby?" Kate asked her voice shaky

"She didn't say that" He swallowed hard through the dryness in his throat.

A moment later the doctor and the technician entered the room again, forced smiles on their faces.

"Let's take a look" The doctor said

Minute later he heard "Can you see it?"

The doctor leaned forward and so did Jack; once again he saw the white line, only this time that it seemed to be coming from the walls encircling the baby.

The doctor nodded "Has it attached?"

The technician shook her head "When I was looking earlier, I didn't see that it attached anywhere"

For a long time no one said anything, then Kate spoke "What is it?" Her voice trembled

The technician left and the doctor brought the white line into view "Do you see this?" He pointed to it

"This is known as the amniotic band, I'm checking to see if it attached anywhere, so far it hasn't which is good" He told them

"What do you mean by band? what will it do?" Jack asked

The doctor exhaled "As you can see one end of the band is attached to the sack here" He ran his fingers over it on the screen "The other end is floating free, if this attaches to the fetus, the baby will be born with abnormalities"

"Will it attach? Jack asked, he could barely breathe

"There's no way to know, the fetus is still small, but as it grows the chances of the band attaching increases" He told them

"What kind of abnormalities?" Kate asked

It wasn't a question the doctor wanted to answer, and it showed.

He sighed "If it attaches the baby could be born without limbs, or with a clubfoot, if it attaches anywhere other than the extremities, it could be worse"

As the doctor answered, Jack found himself growing dizzy, and he wondered how many times it was him making people feel this way

"What do we do?" He forced out "Will Kate be okay?"

Kate will be fine, it doesn't affect the mother, there isn't anything you can do really, except wait. There's no need for bed rest and anything like that. We will do an ultrasound every two weeks to check up on it"

"How did it happen?" He asked

"It wasn't anything you did or didn't do. Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with your baby, her heartbeat is strong and her brain is developing normally, So far, so good"

"You said it could get worse if it attached elsewhere?" Jack asked, terrified of the answer, he knew he'd get

The doctor shifted in his seat "Yes" He admitted "If it attaches to the cord, you could lose the baby"

**Let me know what you think? Hit the button.**


	17. Guilt, Blame & Worries

They could lose the baby.

The moment the doctor left the room, Kate broke down, and it took all Jack had to keep his own tears in check and be strong for her. He reminded her that the baby was fine right now and would probably stay that way. His words seemed to make her feel worse instead of calming her. Her small shoulders heaved as he held her in his arms, and by the time she pulled back, his shirt was soaked with tears.

Nobody said anything as she got ready to leave. None of it made sense. Jack's mind kept picturing a band floating around, just wait to attack, and his mind went white with fear.

Their baby might die. Their little girl might die.

When Kate turned around to face him, her eyes were red and puffy; Jack's heart broke as he looked at her. This was supposed to be a good day, this wasn't supposed to happen.

Every day the baby got bigger and the danger increased. They went to see the doctor three days after, everything was the same. They had ten weeks left to go now.

"I hate waiting like this" Kate said "Waiting, and hoping, not knowing what is going to happen"

It had been a week since they got the news. She had another ultrasound in less than two weeks.

"It's going to be okay" Jack said "Just because the band is there, doesn't mean it's going to attach"

"Why me though? Why us Jack?" Kate cried "I wake up in the morning and I read about girls that have perfectly healthy babies and abandon them. It's not fair Jack. I can't enjoy the rest of my pregnancy because I wake up every day and think that something inside me might kill our baby and no matter what I do, I can't stop it"

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders "It's not your fault"

She wiped a tear away "Then whose is it? The Baby's?" She snapped "What did I do wrong?"

It was the first time that Jack realized that Kate was simply just scared but she felt guilty as well. The realization made him ache.

"You didn't do anything wrong Kate" He told her

She shook her head "But this thing inside me-"

He stopped her "Hasn't done anything yet" He said gently "And part of the reason I'm so calm is that you've been doing everything right Kate. The baby is fine, our baby is doing great"

Kate moves closer to him and whispers so softly that Jack barely hears her "Do you think she'll be alright?"

"I know she will be" He tells her kissing her forehead

* * *

A week later, Kate went out for lunch with Rose and when she got back, Jack was waiting for her at the door when she pulled in. He told her that he had something to show her, and wanted her to close her eyes. She did.

He led her into the house and through the living room. At the top of the stairs, he turned her towards the door and said "Okay, you can open your eyes now"

When he opened the door, for an instant there were no fears for their daughter. Instead it was the old Kate, who looked forward to being a mom, who smiled easily and wanted to remember every detail.

"You did this?" She asked, her voice soft

"Most of it, I had some help with the curtains and blinds, but I did the rest" He nodded, smiling at her

"It's beautiful" She murmured, stepping aside

On the carpet was a throw rug decorated with little ducks, and in the corner, the crib sat beneath the mobile they picked out, what seemed like a lifetime ago. The curtains matched the rug. The changing table was stocked with diapers and wipes.

Kate moved to the bureau and picked up a little duck "Did you pick this?"

Jack nodded "It went with the rug and the curtains, if you don't like it-"

"No" She cut him off "It's just that I'm surprised, when we went shopping you didn't seem that into it"

"Well I couldn't let you have all the fun" He joked "Do you think she'll like it?"

She nodded "She'll love it, I love it"

Kate moved to the crib, and smiled when she saw the little stuffed animals, but the smile faded. She crossed her arms and Jack knew that the worries had returned.

Jack put his hands in his pockets "You know I've been thinking about the baby's name" He said "Any don't worry it's not Shelley"

Kate glanced at him; eyebrows rose "What is it?"

He hesitated, remembering how it looked on the headstone, he took a deep breath, strangely nervous "Diane" He said

He couldn't read Kate's expression, and for a minute he wondered if he made a mistake. But when she turned around, she had a trace of a smile on her lips; she put her arms around him and then leaned her head against his chest. Jack wrapped her in his arms, and they stood together, still afraid but not alone.

"My mother" She whispered

"Well yeah, I can't imagine our daughter with any other name" He told her

That night Jack found himself praying for the first time in years, maybe ever.

He didn't believe that God went through prayers, answering some but ignoring others. He believed that God gave people gifts and placed them in an imperfect world, only then could faith be earned.

But he never prayed, until now. Because on this night Jack found himself kneeling on his knees, begging God to bless them with a healthy child. He made promises and ask for a sign that he's prayers were heard.

The next day, they went for another ultrasound, and he found that his prayers had been answered. The baby was growing and the band still hadn't attached. It was good news the doctor told them, and while they both felt a surge of relief, the worries returned when they reached the car.

They still had eight weeks to go.

**Hit the Button.**


	18. Catching Fireflies

The following week, they'd went out to dinner, when they got back Jack went to the room that they called his office, it wasn't really getting any action since they moved in because he still wasn't working, with the baby and it wasn't like jobs were pouring out here. He heard the door open and turned around

"Hey" Kate said walking into the room "How you doing?"

"I'm good" he told her, thinking his answer would receive a nod and she'd turn to leave, instead she stepped more into the room

"Would you like some company?" She asked

He smiled "I always love company"

She walked towards him and rested her hands on the armrest, Jack took the hint and slid the chair back so she could take a seat on his lap

"Sorry for squishing you, I know I'm getting heavy" She told him

Bringing his arm around to her stomach, gently rubbing his hand along it, he said "It's not a problem, anytime you want to sit on my lap, feel free"

She let out a sigh "I haven't really been fair with you" She confessed

Jack looked confused "What are you talking about?"

"I married a doctor and that's what I want you to do" She shrugged

"I'm trying, it's not easy-"He said before she cut him off "I know, that's my point"

"Do you know why I love you? Because of how great you've been since we found out about the baby, Because you always sound like you're sure everything is going to be okay, but most of all, I love you for who you are, and I want you to know that I'd do anything to help you with that" She said wrapping her arms around his neck "I've been thinking and maybe it's all too much, marriage, the house, the baby, moving down here"

"Kate" He tried but she stopped him again

"That's what I've been doing when I have a few extra minutes, I went to the library and I read about Sara, the miracle surgery, and about all the people that came to you after that, even though you didn't save them all, what you did for them was amazing"

Jack didn't bother to hide his surprise as she ran her fingers through his dark hair "I guess what I'm saying is I don't want you to stop doing that, and if living here is what's stopping you, I can't ask you to sacrifice that"

"I wanted to come down here, you didn't force me Kate" He finally spoke

She shook her head "No but you knew I didn't want to leave, and I don't but I will" She met his gaze "I love you and I'll follow you"

She smiled, and as Jack looked around, he thought about all the possibilities in New York and then he glanced out the window and saw the lake almost frozen now, the lake they got married at and he knew he wouldn't leave, and he didn't want to.

"I'm happy here" He smiled at her

"Just like that, you don't want to think about it?" She asked

Shaking his head he replied "No, I got everything I need right here"

She smiled bending down to kiss him as his thumb rubbed circles on her belly. His lips curved into a smile because he knew he made the right choice, he was looking forward to raising his daughter in a place where they could catch fireflies in the summer and watch the storms roll in from the sheltered porch in the winter. This was home now. That realization led him to believe that the baby was going to be okay, after all they'd been through she had to be okay. On October 6th they had the last ultrasound they'd have before the delivery; Jack learned that he was right.

So far, she was doing great

So far.

* * *

When he finally realized what was happening, everything seemed fuzzy and out of focus, all he knew for sure was that the for sure was that the first word from his mouth that morning was "Ouch"

"Wake up" Kate said, poking him again

Still groggy, he pulled the sheets up "Kate, it's the middle of the night, why you poking me?"

"It's almost five Jack, and I think it time" She shot at him

"Time for what?" he grumbled

"To go to the hospital" She replied and once the words registered, he bolted upwards, flinging back the sheet "You're having contractions?"

She nodded and he swallowed "So this is it?"

"I think this is it" She smiled, and they did nothing but stare at each other for a minute

In a quick movement, Jack threw on some clothes, he didn't expect he'd be this terrified, he wasn't ready for this, how could he be a father? He needed another day or two to read those books Kate had been reading for months, but it was too late now.

"Don't forget that bag" She said as he walked her to the car, he made sure she was in before running in to get it.

Driving down the road, he asked "Are you okay?"

"Yeah" she said not sounding okay "You might want to drive faster though"

He smiled a little as he stepped harder on the gas, he found himself speeding up everytime she had a contraction. They seemed to be coming every eight minutes or so.

**hit the button.**

**i think theres going to be 2 or 3 more chapters left of this story.  
**


	19. Time

They reached the emergency room and despite the hour, it was crowded, Jack could barely contain his impatience, then finally it was their turn. Before he could say anything, the nurse past him a clipboard

"Fill in the first three pages, sign your name on the forth and I'll need your insurance card" She said

Jack shook his head "Is this really necessary now? I mean my wife's in labor" He stated

The nurse looked at Kate and asked her "How far about are your contractions?"

"About eight minutes" Kate replied

Nodding she asked "How long have you been in labor?"

Kate shook her head slightly "I don't know, maybe three hours?"

The nurse nodded and looked back at Jack "Okay so first three pages, sign the fourth and don't forget, insurance card"

He let out a breath he'd been holding in and took the clip board and sat down with Kate.

"Are you okay?" He asked once they were seated

Kate shot him a stern look "I'm going to punch you if you ask me that one more time" She said "Just get the paperwork done"

Jack nodded, unable to hide the small smile on his lips. Once they were done, he brought them to the nurse, where she slowly read them over and wrote Kate's name on a bracelet. Then they had to wait again. A few hours later, what felt like years to Jack, they called her name.

She was led into a room, where they transferred her into a bed. For the next twenty minutes, nurses came in and out of the room, taking her blood pressure, her pulse and asking her the same questions about her labor. She was hooked to a monitor, and she and Jack stared at the speedy rhythm of the baby's heartbeat.

"Is it supposed to be that fast?" Jack asked

"It's just right" she assured him, then she turned to Kate "I'm Kelly, and I'll be checking in on you as the morning progresses, Your contractions haven't started getting closer, so you'll most likely be here for a while, so just do whatever you can to stay comfortable"

Kate nodded "Okay"

Then, Kelly turned to Jack "You're job for the time being is to support her, there's an ice machine down the hall, get her as many as she wants, if you need a nurse just press this button"

Then she left.

Half an hour later, her contractions were still 8 minutes apart. Jack knew she was okay because he asked her, she said yes and punched him in the arm, like she said she would.

An hour later Rose showed up, she asked how she was doing, Kate didn't punch her.

The contractions started coming faster. First every seven minutes then every six. An hour later they stabilized at five minutes.

Rose was downstairs and Jack was trying his best to keep Kate calm, her eyes were glued to the monitor where their baby's heartbeat was.

"Are you scared?" She finally asked

He was taken by her question, and saw the worry in her face "No" He said "Not really, it hasn't even been two weeks since your last ultrasound, and she was doing great then. I think if the band was going to attach it would have done so by now"

Kate blinked "But what if it attaches to the cord at the last minute? What if it stops the blood flow?"

"It won't" Jack reassured her "I'm sure everything is going to be okay, if the doctors were worried, you'd be hooked up to a lot more machines"

She nodded, hoping he was right. She reached out for his hand and brought it up to her lips, kissing his fingers lightly "I love you, you know"

He smiled down at her "Yeah" He said "I know"

"You don't love me" She asked, she knew he did, but something inside wanted to hear him say it

"I love you more than there are fishes in the sea, and higher than the moon" He said sweetly

She looked at him curiously, and he shrugged "Something my mom used to tell us when we were little"

She smiled and kissed his fingers again "Will you tell our little girl that?"

"Everyday" He told her

And with that, another contraction started.

Rose returned a little while later. As the hours rolled by, the contractions started coming faster. Five minutes then four and a half. At four minutes the nurse came in again, with a knowing look she said "I think it's time to get the anesthesiologist"

"You're already six centimeters dilated, are the contractions more intense?" she asked

Kate nodded, Kelly motioned to the monitor "So far the baby's handling it well, don't worry once you get the epidural, there's no more pain"

"Good" Kate said, laughing a little "How much longer do you think?"

"If you keep going like this, maybe in the next hour or so" She replied

A few minutes later the anesthesiologist came in, with the epidural in, Kate couldn't feel any pain and had to look at the monitor to even realize she was having a contraction. Her cervix dilated to eight centimeters, then to ten.

It was time.

**Hit the button, tell me what you think?**


	20. Lifes Meaning

**So this chapters pretty long but i didnt think there was a right place to just stop, so here it is....**

The nurses went into a flurry of preparations in the delivery room. Then the doctor came in to check on Kate again ,leaning forward he explained what was going to happen, how he was going to ask her to push once the contractions started and it might takes two or three before the baby was out

"Now there's still the issue of the amniotic band" He said "The heartbeat has been good and steady, so I don't believe the band has attached however it still can at the last minute but by then all we can do is try to get the baby out as fast as possible"

Jack and Kate nodded, both looking nervous

"You're going to do fine" The doctor told them "Just do as I say and in a few minutes you'll be parents"

Kate reached out for Jack's hand "Okay" She said

When the contractions started, the doctor told Kate to push, she grimaced with the effort, squeezing Jack's hand as hard as she could

"Okay good, relax for a minute, and we'll try this again, push harder if you can" The doctor told her

The ache in Jack's hand made him wonder if it was possible to push any harder, but Kate simply nodded and started to push again

"Good, good, keep going" The doctor said, he was focused

Kate kept pushing, the contractions ended

Jack gently wiped her forehead, still holding her hand, she went through it all again as the next contraction came. Her eyes squeezed shut, her face flushed

"Just one more push and we're there" They heard the doctor say

After that, everything went foggy for Jack, he couldn't explain how it all happen, later he would realize he could only remember bits and pieces, and he felt guilty about that. His last clear memory of Kate was of her pulling her legs up as the last contraction started, her face was shiny with sweat, she was breathing hard as the doctor told her to push one final time with everything she had, and Jack thought he saw her smile

He was dimly aware that Rose was in the room; he heard Kate groan and watched as their baby emerged, first her head, followed by the rest of her. In an instant Jack become a father.

The doctor placed her on a table, a suction tube was inserted in her mouth, and her throat was cleared, only then did she start to cry

"I don't see any signs that the cord attached" She announced "She's got all her fingers and toes, good color, breathing fine; She's a cute little thing"

The little girl continued to wail, and Jack finally turned to Kate "Did you hear that?"

It was then, while looking down at her, that he heard the long, steady beep on the machine behind him, she looked almost like she was asleep

The physician rose from his stool so quickly that it flew out towards the wall, the nurse shouted something, and the doctor yelled to the other nurse to take Rose and Jack from the room

Jack felt a sudden pain in his chest "What's happening?" He shouted, his mind a blur

The nurse grabbed his arm, starting to drag him out of the room

"What's going on? What's wrong with her? Wait" He screamed

"Please!" The nurse shouted "You've got to go now!"

His eyes widened in terror and he couldn't turn away from Kate, he heard the nurse call for help, the doctor was standing over Kate now, pushing on her chest

"No" He almost whispered, trying to shake free from the nurse

"Get him out of here!" The doctor yelled

He felt someone grab his other arm, pulling him away from the room

"What's happening?" He screamed again, he was led to the hallway, barely hearing the voices telling him to calm down, from the corner of his eye, he saw a stretcher being rushed down the hall, then vanishing into the room

Jack was being held up against the wall, he heard Rose sobbing but could barely process the sound, and He was surrounded by rushing people but all alone at the same time

A minute later, he saw Kate being rushed from the room on a gurney, the doctor still above her giving her CPR, there was a bag over her head

Jack felt dizzy, and he could feel his legs were barely able to keep him up anymore

"What's wrong?" He asked again "Where are they taking her?"

The two people holding him to the wall nor the nurse could bring themselves to look at him

He and Rose were led to a special room, Rose was pale and trembling. Jack couldn't swallow, he couldn't think, he tried to remember what happen, but he just couldn't concentrate. Time seemed to stop.

When the doctor came in, terror ran through his body as he struggled to stand, Rose stood too holding onto his arm as if hoping her were strong enough to support them both

"How is she?" Jack asked

The doctor seemed exhausted "I'm sorry to have to tell you this" He began "But your wife had what's called an amniotic fluid embolism"

Again, Jack felt dizzy, the words echoed as if from a distance as the doctor went on

"We don't think the band had anything to do with it, they were completely separate events, somehow amniotic fluid entered one of the vessels to the uterus, there was no way to predict it, there was nothing we could do"

The room closed in around him, and Rose fell against him, her voice going ragged "no, no….no"

He strained to draw a breath, numbly he heard the doctor going on "It's very rare but somehow once the fluid entered her vessels, it must have traveled to her heart, your baby's fine, but I'm sorry she didn't make it"

None of this made any sense, Kate couldn't be gone, they were talking a few minutes ago, she was healthy, and she was fine

The doctor seemed to be in shock himself as he tried to give an explanation, Jack simply stared through his tears, that were falling down his cheeks rapidly now

"Can I see her?" He suddenly croaked out

"She's in the nursery" The doctor said, as if happy to have a question he could answer "Like I said she's doing fine"

"No" Jack said in a strangled voice, he struggled to form his words "My wife, can I see my wife?"

Jack was numb as he made his way down the corridor. He didn't want to believe it; the doctor had made a mistake, that's what he thought

The doctor stopped "Take all the time you need, I'm very sorry" He said

Jack's hand trembled as he reached for the door, it seemed so heavy, but somehow he opened it. His eyes were drawn to the figure in the bed, she lay there not moving, no monitor or IV hooked up. She looked like this a hundred times before, in the morning, she was sleeping, her brown curls spread over the pillow, but now her arms were at her sides

His vision became like a tunnel, everything black but her. She had to be okay, she loved him, she was his life…but those arms, they were all wrong; they should be bent over her head

He couldn't breathe anymore, his wife was gone, it wasn't a bad dream, his Kate was gone, he knew that now, and the tears started to flow

* * *

Sometime later, Rose came in to say good-bye as well, Jack left her alone.

He moved through the hallways in a trance and returned to the room where he'd meet the doctor. He couldn't cry anymore, he simply didn't have the energy, all his strength was keeping him from collapsing, he replayed the images in the delivery room in his head, and was angry with himself, with God, with the doctors...

And he was angry with the baby

He didn't want to see the baby, believing somehow that receiving its life it took another. If not for the baby, Kate would still be with him, Because of this baby his wife was dead, and how could he ever love this baby? How was he supposed to forgive her?

He knew his feelings were wrong, it went against everything a parent was supposed to feel, but how could he say good-bye to Kate in one moment and say hello to the baby in the next?

Then what, after she came home, how was he supposed to care for someone again, he didn't know how to take care of a baby, He thought Kate would show him but the baby had other plans, the baby that killed his wife

He collapsed in a chair; he didn't want to feel this way about the baby. He closed his eyes convinced that if he concentrated hard enough, he'd wake up to find it was dream

Rose found him a short time later, the touch of her hand on his shoulder made his eyes fly open, taking in the swollen, tear- streaked wreak of her face

Her shoulders began to shudder "Oh Jack" She gasped

Jack rose and wrapped his arms around her, they cried together, in time Rose pulled back, swiping at her tears

"Have you seen the baby?" She whispered

"No" He said "Not since the delivery room"

Rose gave a sad smile, one that nearly crushed what was left of his heart "She looks exactly like Katie"

Jack turned away; he didn't want to hear that, he didn't want to hear about the baby

"She's beautiful" She said "You should go see her"

"I uh, I can't" Jack mumbled "I don't want to see her yet"

He felt the women watching him "She's your daughter" Rose said

"I know" Jack responded, but all he could feel dull anger pulsing under his skin

"Katie would want you to take care of her" Rose reached out to take his hand "If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for your wife"

"She would want you to see your child, to hold her, I know it's hard but you can't say no to Kate, you can't say no to me and you can't say no to that little girl, Now come with me" She told him

She took his arm and marched him down to the nursery. Jack was on autopilot, with each step he felt anxiety growing; the thought of meeting his daughter terrified him. He knew the anger he felt towards her was wrong, he was also afraid that he wouldn't be angry when the time came, and that, that was somehow saying he forgave her for what she'd done to Kate

There were people peering through glass at their babies when they got there and Jack could hear them all whisper _she's got his nose_, or _I think he'll have blue eyes, _He didn't know any of them but he hated them because they were experiencing the joy and excitement that should have been his

As if sensing his feelings, Rose squeezed his arm "That's where you go in" She said motioning to the door

"You're not coming with me?" He suddenly asked

"No" She said "I'll wait out here"

"Please" He pleaded "Come with me"

"This is something you have to do on your own Honey" She told him gently

Jack stared at her "Please," He whispered

Rose's expression softened "You're going to love her" She said "As soon as you see her, you'll love her"

Is love at first sight truly possible?

When Jack walked in the nurses expression changed, she didn't offer sympathy or turn away; she forced out a smile and pointed to one of the cribs "You're daughters on the left"

As he walked over the somewhat heard her mumble "She's beautiful"

When he reached the crib when his throat clenched when he saw Kate's name, he blinked away tears and stared down at his daughter. She was wrapped in a blanket and wearing a hat, her skin perfectly pink, the movement in her arms was jerky as if she was still getting used to breathing air, and even as a newborn she resembled Kate, the shape of her nose and the slight point of her chin

The nurse appeared over his shoulder "She's a wonderful baby" she said "She's been sleeping but when she wakes up she barely utters a cry"

Jack said nothing, he felt nothing.

Then he heard her say "Oh look she's waking up"

All Jack could do was stare, the nurse laid a gentle hand on the little girls chest "Hi sweetie, you're daddy's here"

"Do you want to hold her?" She asked suddenly

Jack swallowed hard, thinking she was too tiny that any movement would just break her. He didn't want to touch her, but the words came out before he could stop them "Can I?"

"Of course" The nurse said, and scooped her up in her arms

"I don't know what to do" He whispered

"It's easy" She relied, her voice soft "Have a seat in the rocker, and I'll hand her to you, just make sure you support her head, and most importantly love her for the rest of your life"

Jack took a seat battling the urge to break into tears, he wasn't ready for this, he needed Kate, he needed to grieve and he needed time. He held up his hands and felt the weight of his daughter as she came into them, a moment later she was nuzzled in his arms

A thousand emotions swept through him, in his arms his beautiful little girl stared up at him, she was all that was left of Kate, Kate that trusted him enough to have a baby with him, Kate that married knowing he'd never be perfect, he would be the kind of father their little girl deserved. Rose was right, Kate would want him to love her the way Kate would have if she was here, Kate needed him to be strong and their daughter needed him to be strong.

He stared down at her, certain now that what he was doing was the reason he was put on this earth, to love another, to care for someone else and carry her worries till she was strong enough to carry them herself, to take care of someone unconditionally, because that gave his life meaning

In that instant, while staring at his little girl through a thousand tears, he fell in love and wanted nothing more than to hold her and keep her safe forever.

**Next chapters The Epilogue.**

**Hit the button  
**


	21. 4 Years Later

**Thanks for the review guys- and i'm sorry for the last chapter, i know it sucks, when i was writing it, i was like what the hell are you doing?!?, but i had too, so i;m sorry :(**

**Hope you guys like the Epilogue :)**

**4 years later…**

Jack's eyes fluttered open with the ringing of the phone, the house was still quiet, wrapped in a dense blanket of fog, and he forced himself to sit up, amazed that he'd slept at all, he didn't sleep the night before and no more than a few hours a night in the last few weeks. His eyes felt swollen and red and he knew he looked exhausted, the phone rang again, he reached for it

"Jack" His sister said "How are you?"

"Not too bad" Jack grunted

"Were you sleeping?" She asked

Jack checked the clock "Only 20 minutes, not enough to do any damage"

Claire sighed "I should let you go then"

Spying his jacket on the chair, Jack thought about what he wanted to do tonight, it would be another sleepless night, making him suddenly thankful for his short nap

"No, I won't fall back asleep again, it's good to hear from you, how are you?" He asked, glancing down the hall, he listened for Mira

He named her that once he brought her home from the hospital, he realized him and Kate planned on naming her Diane after Kate's mother, but someone told him that Mira was a shortened name for miracle, and that's what she was, his little miracle, he didn't think Kate would disagree, Mira Diane Shephard looked just like her mother.

"I was calling because I got your message" His sister said, sounding guilty "The one you left a few days ago, you sounded really out of it"

"Sorry" Jack said "I was up all night"

"Don't you think that been happening a little too often lightly?" she pressed "Even Mom's worried about you, told me to tell you to get some sleep, I'm going to second that motion, so go back to bed"

Despite his exhaustion, Jack laughed "It wouldn't do any good; I'd just lie there all night"

"I don't understand, why can't you sleep?" She asked in a baffled voice

Jack glanced out the window, the sky was unbelievable, silver fog everywhere, and he found himself thinking about Kate "Nightmares" He replied to his sister

The nightmares had begun a month ago, just after Christmas, for no apparent reason.

The day started out like any other, Mira helped him make pancakes for breakfast, and they ate together at the table. Jack dropped her off at Rose's in the afternoon for a few hours. They had macaroni and cheese for supper, and after her bath, they read the same story they always did. Checking on her twenty minutes later, she was sound asleep

But just after midnight, Mira woke up screaming

Jack raced over to her room, holding her and trying to comfort her as she cried, eventually she calmed and he pulled up the covers before kissing her on the forehead

An hour later, she woke up screaming again

It went on like most of the night, but in the morning, she seemed to have no memory of it, Jack glassy-eyed and exhausted was just glad it was over. Or so he thought, however the same thing happen that night, and the one after that, and so on.

After a week, he brought Mira to the doctor, and was assured that nothing was physically wrong with her but night terrors were common, and would pass in time

But they didn't, if anything they seemed to be getting worse, she started at waking up two or three times a night, it went to four or five times a night, and the only thing that could calm her down were the soft words Jack would whisper as he rocked her gently.

He tried letting her sleep with him, he tried night-lights and warm milk before bed. Nothing worked.

The lack of sleep made them both intensely tense, there had been more tantrums with Mira than usual, more unexpected tears and sassiness, at four she was unable to control her outburst, exhaustion left him always on edge, and the anxiety was getting to him, the fear that something was wrong with her, that if she didn't start sleeping, something horrible would happen to her. He was responsible for her, she needed him, and somehow he was failing.

* * *

Jack peeked in on Mira, aching with the desire to hold her close, if only to keep the nightmares away. She'd been down for an hour and he knew she'd be up screaming in a short time. He found himself wondering what images were in her mind, did she see monsters? was she running from something?

He didn't have the slightest idea, yet he sometimes wondered if it was his fault, did she realize she wasn't like other kids? Did she notice that when they went to the park, he was often the only father?, Did she wonder why everyone else had a mother and she didn't? He knew that wasn't his fault, it was nobody's fault, he reminded himself all the time, that it was simply a tragedy without blame

He left her side, and tiptoed to her closet, pulling a jacket from a hanger, he remembered how small Mira was when he brought her home

In those weeks following Mira's birth, Jack's mother came down for an extended visit, and her and Rose taught him all the basics of taking care of a baby, the two grew fond of each other, and both refused to let Jack wallow in self-pity, and made I'm contribute not matter how much he was hurting

Bit by bit, the grief began to slowly lift, whereas once it had overwhelmed him, now he found it possible to forget his pain sometimes, simply because he was too busy caring for his daughter.

On his first night completely alone with Mira, he checked on her more than a dozen times, when she woke with cries, he fed and burped her, in the morning he gave her a bath, and panicked when he saw her shiver.

Weeks rolled into months, and eventually Jack opened a free clinic, just down the street from the hospital, in Kate's memory, he thought she'd love him doing something good for the town and the people she loved.

Before he knew it, Mira was smiling and laughing, and he found that he could watch her for hours, he took hundreds of pictures of Mira, and he grabbed the video camera, the moment she let go of the end table and took her first step

Birthdays and holidays came and went, as Mira grew, her personality became more distinct. As a baby she wore a lot of pink, then blue, and now at four apparently purple was the new thing. She loved to color but hated to paint, and her favorite raincoat had a Dora the Explorer patch on the sleeve, she wore it even when the sun was shining

Jack made his way into the living room after tossing Mira's jacket on the chair beside his, he moved to the window, looking out at the garden he and Kate started when they moved in.

He thought of Kate often, especially on quiet nights like these, in the years since she passed away, he hadn't dated; he didn't have any desire too. He knew people were worried about him, and he'd them he'd tell them he was too busy taking care of Mira to even consider another relationship, although that was true, what he didn't tell them was that part of him died along with Kate, she would always be with him, he never saw her in the hospital bed, instead he remembered her expression when they first felt the baby kick, or her contagious laughter.

* * *

He wondered who he'd be if she'd never been in his life. Yet he wasn't unhappy, he was pleased with the man he'd become, the father he'd become. He treasured those moments when Mira wandered down the stairs in the morning while Jack was reading the paper, sipping coffee. Half the time her pajamas were askew, one sleeve up, her tummy showing, and her dark hair proofed out, with the light from the kitchen, she would squint before rubbing her eyes

"Hi, Daddy" She would say, her voice almost inaudible

"Hi,Sweetheart" He would answer, and Mira would go into his arms, as he lifted her and leaned back, she would relax against him, head on his shoulder, her small arms twirled around his neck "I love you so much" Jack would say

"I love you too Daddy" She'd reply

At moments like these, he ached that she never knew her mother.

It was time, Jack slipped on his jacket, and zipped it up, then heading down the hall with her hat, mittens and jacket, he went into Mira's bedroom, placing his hand on her back

"Mira, sweetie?" He whispered "I need you to wake up"

He shook her slightly, and she rolled her head from one side to the other "C'mon sweetie" He reached over and scooped her up in his arms

She moaned slightly "Daddy?" She whispered

He smiled, thinking she was the most beautiful child in the world "It's time to go"

Her eyes were still closed as she answered "Okay, Daddy"

He sat on her bed, slipping on her boots over the thick pajamas she wore to bed, then draped her jacket over her shoulder; he slid on her mittens and her hat before picking her up again

"Daddy?" She yawned "Where are we going?"

"We're going to take a ride" Jack said, carrying her through the living room

She turned towards the window "But its dark" She said

"Yes" Jack replied "And it's foggy too"

Outside, he shifted Mira so he could grab his keys, and sat her in the car seat

"It's scary out here" She said "Like on Scooby-Doo"

"Kind of" He said, buckling her in "But we'll be safe"

"I know" She said

"I love you" He added "Do you know how much?"

She rolled her eyes as if she were an actress "More than there are fishes in the sea and higher than the moon, I know"

Jack drove slowly, stopping at the Cemetery, and grabbing a flashlight, Mira's hand in his own, he walked through, checking his watch, he saw it was past midnight

"Are we going to see Mommy?" Mira asked

"You'll see" Jack promised

Jack came here to see Kate a lot since she was buried here, most of the time with Mira. This is where she learned about her mom, about how they fell in love there. The last time she was here, on the way back to the car, she said "I wish she didn't have to die"

He wondered if that had something to do with the nightmares, they started a month later.

After walking a while, they reached the graves, Jack led Mira over to the place he and Kate had first seen the lights, he sat down pulling his daughter in his lap, Jack remembered the story Kate had told her about her parents, and the nightmares she had as a child, and Mira sensing something special was about to happen, barely moved

The lights began their dance, and Mira watched in amazement, as for Jack, he knew there'd be no more nightmares, Mira would sleep peacefully, No- he couldn't explain it and later he'd be proven correct, in the last few years he learned that science didn't have all the answers

"Is that Mama?" Mira finally asked, her expression showing she was in complete awe

He smiled, his throat tight, in the quiet night, it was like they were the only two people in the world. Jack took a long breath, remembering Kate, and believing that she was there with them, and knowing that if she could see them now, she'd be smiling and content in knowing that her daughter and her husband were going to be okay

"Yes" Jack said, holding her tight "I think she wanted to meet you"

**Hit the button, one final time :)**

**Happy New Year Everybody! :D  
**


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